meditations of a wallflower

Elder

2009-08-11T23:30:00.000-07:00

I took a little peek into my dear and crafty friend Lindsey's blog this morning and was inspired to follow her in this creative little project. That being: One must create a hypothetical album cover for a fictional band. I was surprised at how "cool" I thought mine came out. I dig it.

The quote I found was by William S. Burroughs and, though random indeed, they ring true. "A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on."

Here are the rules:

1 - Go to "wikipedia.com" Select “random article”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 - Go to "Random quotations"or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3 The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover art.
4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together. I used Picnik (http://www.picnik.com/)

Have fun!

Spring Sass

2009-05-06T10:46:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling so inspired lately since I stumbled upon my new fave site, Darling Dexter. In my attempt to save our pennies for the Big Day coming up next month, I haven't made too many additions to our apartment lately. BUT...I've been wanting to SO bad. So today I set out to the local secondhand shop on the corner. I had a few things in mind that I was on the lookout for...and I found one of them (that being that sweet little terra cotta pot above). I also dropped a whopping 2.50 on that delightful, mustard yellow, crochet table runner. Can you believe it? I was giddy over it all day long.

to my surprise.

2009-04-25T02:54:00.000-07:00

i received a message in my flickr account a few weeks back from a sweet gal who works for Schmap Guides (a digital travel guide site) that one of my photos from our trip to venice was being considered for their venice guide! how fun is that?! she wrote in her first message that i would hear within a few weeks if they decided to choose mine or someone else's. well...i had another message in my box this morning and (to my surprise!) they chose mine! it's a photo that i took of the basilica san marco (such a beautiful place). i added the widget to my blog (to the left) and you can see the photo if you click on the link when the basilico san marco page comes up. or just go here:

just because.

2009-04-11T04:28:00.000-07:00

early on in our relationship, fred had asked me if i liked flowers. what kind of crazy person doesn't like flowers?? but knowing that he was most likely wanting to know if he'd be obligated to buy them for me every tuesday for the rest of our lives, i probably downplayed my love for the oh so beautiful buds and said they were "alright"...only to discover that my tall swede would take that as definite dislike. in the 2.5 years we've been together, there have been 2 instances where he's brought me flowers: 1 being valentine's day (2 months after we started dating...technically still the "wooing" period) and 2 being one fine day in june 2007 (i have a photo tucked away in my files somewhere). as much as i would appreciate fresh flowers from my love every day, i have to admit that they DO mean so much when they arrive less often...and out of the blue! my super swede fred brought me these a few days ago...just because. i LOVE flowers!

(easter) hummingbird cupcakes.

2009-04-11T04:15:00.000-07:00

tomorrow's easter day, but this afternoon we're going to fred's sister's house for a påskafton (easter eve) celebration. she said only to "bring a smile", but when i found this recipe on martha stewart's site this morning and THEN discovered that i had pretty much everything i needed (including 3 very ripe bananas!), i couldn't resist. and besides, when is NOT a good time to bake cupcakes?

happy day to all from the warmest uppsala day we've had this spring! (20 degrees celsius/68 fahrenheit!)

good ol' raisin scones.

2009-04-04T12:09:00.000-07:00

ok...so fred and i just sampled that cute little guy on top and we've decided that this was prrrrobably the BEST recipe ever. hello april breakfast, so nice to meet you :)

spring things.

2009-04-04T06:49:00.000-07:00

went to the opening of the new IKEA today in uppsala (the new one is 3xs as big as the old one, directly across the street and soon to be closing) and bought a few small things to welcome in a super sunny swedish spring. we were looking specifically for vases for the wedding table decorations (which i think we decided on, but will purchase later) and also for a small sideboard to go under our TV once we mount in on the wall. we are trying to decide between 3 different ones. anyhoo! i've been pining for a few new mixing bowls, so my sweet swede fred bought these blue and white ones for me in 2 different sizes. i have a huge crush on them :) and how fun is that elephant serving tray?! our curtains and living room rug are that turqouisey blue and i'm just now working on tying in some new colors. loving that antiquey mustardy yellow and deep dark chocolatey brown. oh! and the vanilla tea lights. those were fred's pick :) time to make some scones...with my new mixing bowls! det är den perfekta våren dagen idag! jag är förälskad <3

svensk latbröd.

2009-04-02T06:57:00.000-07:00

as much as i bake, i don't bake every day BREAD that often. i thought i would give it another whirl this morning. this was a simple recipe from a swedish website, and it was precisely what i was looking to make. shortly after i got started, 2 men came to our apartment for a "ventilation check" in our kitchen. there i was, standing in my grey sweatpants and fleece pullover, my hair in a messy pony, looking like a desperate housewife in desperate need of a makeover. i stepped to the side and fred and these 2 big men stood in our bite-size kitchen. 15 minutes later i was back to my big bowl of bread-making ingredients. i forgot how much flour i had added to the bowl already, so when i finally added the water, i knew i hadn't added all the flour i was supposed to. long story short, i kept adding flour until the dough felt "right" (like i have made enough bread in my day to know what is "right"). i did my best, let the bread rise for an hour (and boy did it!) and then again for another hour after i punch a hole in it (it rose again, even more than the first time). i divided it between my two bread pans, let it rise for about 30 minutes, and tossed them both in the oven...only to watch the miracle of home-made bread come to life just over an hour later. say hello to "tomorrow morning's breakfast" :)

for samuel.

2009-03-18T00:58:00.001-07:00

so i finally finished my first baby blanket this week. it's a good thing too, because camille JUST had the baby on thursday morning. a little wee boy named samuel. we get to meet him today! i can't wait. i'll be bringing this blanket (and a few ready-made meals) along. the blanket was a lot of fun to make...and i already bought the fabric to make my second one for another friend...but the trim was a battle for me. it turned out ok in the end, but i'm not 100% satisfied. it was made with love, so i'm trying not to be so hard on myself. there's always next time. practice makes (closer to) perfect ;)

fettisdag (fat tuesday).

2009-02-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

Fettisdag means it's time for semlor again! My batch came out of the oven and I just filled them with homemade almond paste and vanilla flavored whipped cream. Fred and I shared one and they taste JUST as good as they look :) To read more about this Swedish holiday and tradition, go here: http://naturetravels.wordpress.com/2007/02/19/pancake-day-not-in-sweden-%E2%80%93-it%E2%80%99s-time-for-fat-tuesday/

Mmmmumsig!

oh how i love...

2009-02-18T06:22:00.000-08:00

...to be organized! time to fill this puppy in!

newest project.

2009-02-18T05:51:00.000-08:00

so my swedican friend julie just finished making a blanket for her sister's newest baby boy. hearing her talk about got me inspired to try my hand at the baby-blanket-making thing too! fred and i have friend's that are expecting a baby bean in about a month (gender yet to be known!) so this is a perfect time for me to experiment. i printed out instructions from martha stewart's website for a "simple baby quilt" and bought this fabric today. i thought it was pretty neutral...and i think the baby's room is decorated in blues and reds. and plus, penguins are pretty much the cutest little things (besides babies, of course). hoping to get started this week! wish me luck!

my funny valentine.

2009-02-16T06:12:00.000-08:00

this valentine's day, fred and i decided not to exchange gifts. all we would be giving each other would be love. but sometimes fred doesn't follow the rules. this time i didn't mind. he surprised me with tickets for us to see one of our faves, josé gonzález, next month at our new concert hall here in uppsala. watch this video and fall in love...

that fred is something else. i love him more and more each day.

cauliflower soup w/ gorgonzola.

2009-01-19T01:18:00.000-08:00

"Soup is to the meal, what the hostesses smile of welcome is to the party. A prelude to the goodness to come." -Louis P. De Gouy

chunky celery soup w/ wild rice.

2009-01-19T01:15:00.000-08:00

"Worries go down better with soup." -Proverb

red indian carrot soup.

2009-01-19T01:06:00.000-08:00

"A first-rate soup is more creative than a second-rate painting." -Abraham Maslow

gratitude.

2008-12-10T14:00:00.000-08:00

one of my 'favorite' sites to visit online is yogajournal.com. i have a tab opened their right now as a matter of fact. often times i search mouth-watering vegetarian recipes, other times i read up on poses i've learned in the yoga classes i take regularly throughout the week. this evening, however, my soul was in need of a good ol' potluck of enlightenment and illumination. i clicked on the wisdom tab and read the headlining article titled 'selfless gratitude.' it was the very thing my soul had a hankering for. below is a segment that left a sweet taste on the palate of my heart (note: this is just a segment. the entire article is 6 pages long. consider this your appeteaser)...

"Practicing mindfulness of gratitude consistently leads to a direct experience of being connected to life and the realization that there is a larger context in which your personal story is unfolding. Being relieved of the endless wants and worries of your life's drama, even temporarily, is liberating. Cultivating thankfulness for being part of life blossoms into a feeling of being blessed, not in the sense of winning the lottery, but in a more refined appreciation for the interdependent nature of life. It also elicits feelings of generosity, which create further joy. Gratitude can soften a heart that has become too guarded, and it builds the capacity for forgiveness, which creates the clarity of mind that is ideal for spiritual development.

Let me be clear: The practice of gratitude is not in any way a denial of life's difficulties. We live in troubling times, and no doubt you've experienced many challenges, uncertainties, and disappointments in your own life. Nor does the practice of gratitude deny the Buddha's teaching on death: Death is certain; your death is certain; the time of death is unknown; the time of your death is unknown. Rather, gratitude practice is useful because it turns the mind in such a way that it enables you to live into life or, more accurately, to die into life. Having access to the joy and wonderment of life is the antidote to feelings of scarcity and loss. It allows you to meet life's difficulties with an open heart. The understanding you gain from practicing gratitude frees you from being lost or identified with either the negative or the positive aspects of life, letting you simply meet life in each moment as it rises.

In the Bible the disciple Paul instructs, "In everything give thanks." What he means is that from your limited perspective it is not possible to know the outcome of any event. What can seem unfortunate at first may turn out to be an unforeseen blessing."

looking at life a little differently...and a lot more gratefully.

sleep well.

ordinary.

2008-12-10T07:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Friend,

I've been sleepy this week. I woke up this morning at 933. When I looked at my clock I blinked twice and looked again in disbelief. Sure enough, those bold, black numbers weren't deceiving me. I'm not even sure what time I crashed last night...definitely before midnight. I can't remember the last time I needed that many hours of sleep. And you know me, I'm typically the 'in bed by 11, up by 6' kinda gal. By 930 I've usually done 2 loads of laundry, swept the floors, taken a shower, and milked 3 cows. This 930 business has GOT to stop. When I was working at Proud Mary's just over a year ago, I was up at 4, at work setting up patio tables, hoisting up umbrellas, and brewing coffee for fisherman by 430. I loved those early foggy mornings. Sleep is so weird anyway. It's amazing that we even need it. Every day we escape reality for so many hours...only to wake up and do it all over again the next day. Night after night, we invest so many hours into a block of time we never remember. It's terribly strange to me.

I made a cup of green tea (with honey) and got to work on some emails. I love the whole Gmail 'star' system. Every time an email comes in that I can't reply to right away, I 'star' it and then go back to my 'starred' file later to catch up on my correspondence. I'm realizing more and more as I write this what a freak I am about organization. Oh me, oh my.

Today was a 'to-do list' type of day. And I'm happy to say that my to-do list is now accompanied by many horizontal lines. I got a lot done. All of the Christmas and December birthday cards are on their way, courtesy of La Palma's correos. My airline ticket confirmations to go 'home' to Sweden next Monday have been printed, thanks to my Swede. The trash has been taken out and the plastic and wine bottles have been so greenly placed in the recycle bin. Mother Nature is smiling upon me right now, I feel it.

The rest of the afternoon's been so-so. It's a cloudy 64 degrees here on the little island and Frankie Laine is serenading me from the ipod speakers as I imagine what life was like in the late 1940's. Not an extraordinary day, but definitely one to be thankful for nonetheless.

And that I am.

Until mañana,
Jessie

something i wrote about a year ago, but updated today.

2008-12-06T01:59:00.000-08:00

I’d much rather send all of you postcards and in another life I would pursue the fascination I have with becoming an expert journalist or Pilates instructor. I’d still be traveling the world, taking pictures of all things beautiful (polaroids too), but develop most in black and white and sepia tones. For now I simply live a life inspired by all that is chaotic and peaceful…beautiful and unique. I just said goodbye to 24 and hello to 25, July 13th to be exact. I’ve been on ‘tour’ for almost 24 months, with a few breaks in between. My fabulous and wonderfully talented fiancé is what we refer to as a ‘pro baller’…and I am his entourage. I’ve been to more countries and cities and places that this past year than I’ve been in all of my life combined…I am sure…or maybe it just feels that way. Either way, it’s only just the beginning. I have no idea where the next day will take us…and I love it (most of the time). I grew up in a small beach town called San Clemente, just about halfway between San Diego and Los Angeles. Personally, I think it’s one of Orange County’s best kept secrets. I moved out of the apartment I used to rent in SC and am making a home (for now) in the Canary Islands of Spain (another corner of heaven this side of the Atlantic). We come to points in life where decisions have to be made…big ones and small ones. That was a big, yet easy, one for me. I have never taken for granted where I grew up and have always known it to be one of the best places in the world. The ocean always looks like glass and the air in the middle of December in the early mornings is cool and crisp. I woke early in the morning and would often take a walk on the beach with my camera. I loved when the only footprints in the sand were mine. The temperature is what my body was made for. It is home. My love for travel began when I was about 5. Camping trips with my family to Lake Tahoe won me in. When I was 12, I took my first summer vacation alone to visit my aunt in Florida. Once I knew I could go anywhere by myself, there was no stopping me. I could only stay in a bubble for so long before I got pissed off because I know there’s so much more of this world to see. So I went. I went lots of places and saw lots of things. Met lots of people, and packed and unpacked lots of bags. Fast forward to days of ‘getting to know Fred’, which was actually, what I believe to be, a conspiracy between he and our mutual friend Lindsey. Serendipitous or not, I can say without hesitation that I met my very best friend in Fred. My parents and grandparents, once leery of me dating anyone outside of the area code, found themselves sort of believing in this fairy tale love. With their blessing, off I went to Spain. I bought a polka dot apron to help me blend in. Now on my living room floor here in La Palma, listening to John Vanderslice’s Golden Gate (on repeat). For a brief moment, I’m gonna have to replenish my fluids with a cup of Trader Joe’s Mint Melange Tea. Yep, I said mélange. I spent the last year learning Swedish in Uppsala, but while I’m at it, it doesn’t hurt to enhance what I have yet to know in English. Vocabulary lesson for the day: Melange: n. 1. A collection of various things. John Vanderslice is my new old musical love. I was first introduced to his music via my older, and so musically in tune, brother a few years back. Apparently I was too naïve to listen, or remember for that matter. I think he will forgive me for not remembering, especially when he knows how much I appreciate him now. As it is with most circumstances in life, timing is everything…and places are moments we just happen to be experiencing…memories are moments we once experienced. It’s a lot like love. Sometimes it’s love at first site and other times, it hits you when you least expect it (oddly enough, both of those happened when I met Fred). And now I am here, on ‘our’ living room floor…in Spain. I was last home in May. Fred was with me for a few weeks before I flew to join him in Sweden. Though it’s never good to be smitten at the airport, leaving the apple of your eye, because it’s one of the suckiest feelings in the world, it’s one of the most inspiring at the same time. Life is all about a time and place...we aren’t here to figure it out, just here to be open to it. These days I am all about learning, writing, asking myself who I am. Though I understand the chance of me running into the defining answers of it all is futile, I do like to ask myself the questions: What is the purpose for all this around me? How does it shape me? Am I being bent or broken? What story does it tell about me? So anyways, this is me…Jessie Jansen. Loving all things Canon, Williams & Sonoma, and Anthropologie. Equally anticipating my new straw purse and hopelessly devoted to my Rainbow flip flops. Loving my leaf-like pearl and glass bead necklace and cozy Gap t-Shirts. Loving over-sized beach towels. Addicted to the camping and sand that gets stuck on and between my toes. Love my Swede. Loving my veggies. Strawberries by the handful. Red and yellow bell peppers with hummus. Big-white-sweet-Hawaiian onions on the grill. Avocados, as Grandpa’s guacamole or by the half with spinach salad. Shrimp, cold with cocktail sauce. Salmon with lemon sauce and green beans. Artichokes hearts. Any glass of good (or bad) wine. It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s shared with good company. BJ’s Brewhouse Blonde beer. I love to sleep with the windows open or a fan blowing. I like to drive around and let my mind wander. I like to wake up really early and take a cup of chai tea to the beach…or do something ‘just for fun’ like bake cookies at 630am. The best is when it’s the middle of winter in California, when the air is cold and you can roll down the windows of your little white beetle and put the heater on your feet. The best feeling in the world is when you come out from a good swim in the ocean and lay under the warm sun. My favorite smells are fresh laundry, clean air, and that ‘after the rain’ smell. And that scent your beloved one leaves on your pillow. I like taking part in random acts of kindness and conducting positive energy to those around me. I want to be a better citizen and person. I take pride in striving towards being one of the best daughters, granddaughters, sisters, aunts, friends (and lover) any of my family or friends will ever have. Taking care of the people I love comes first, then myself, then photography, culinary adventures and the like. I’ve learned that a strong foundation is necessary in the attempt to live out your dreams. Everything in moderation…except love. Honesty is always the best policy…and patience is key. I love the life I live and have huge amounts of appreciation for all that I’ve been given. I am simply happy to be here. That is me.

my last 'old journal' post.

2008-12-05T02:41:00.000-08:00

so the last 8 posts, plus this one, are all from a journal i kept on my ibook starting 4 years ago. i wrote in it for about a year or so. when i came across it this morning, i was so enamored by all that i was thinking and feeling and experiencing 4 years ago...it all felt so close. and i was reminded so much of the me i was, the me i am, where i've come from, and where i am today...

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Dear Friend,

I love getting up early. I guess you could say that I’m a morning person. But I dunno if that's a fair statement because I’m just as much an afternoon and evening and night person...I guess I’m an all day person. But early mornings in the sunny summer or foggy fall (my use of alliteration for the week) are glorious. I took a few pictures of the light coming through my blinds when I woke up. It's been a perfectly good Wednesday morning. My ipod, chai tea, and I just took a stroll down to t-street. Got some pretty good shots...the water was so blue. I stood and stared at the ocean for what must have been about 10 or 15 minutes...just mesmerized. I was born here...in the same city...22 years ago and still can't grasp it all. It’s a beautiful place, that's about all I can say.

So...about the whole job thing. Looks like I’m gonna take a different job after all. To bring you up to speed, I had recently taken a position as a photographer at a children's portrait studio. 2 days later I got an offer to work at a friend's restaurant. The photo gig had me so excited, but only because photography is what I wanna do...it IS what I do. But after much thought and consideration, I realized that PORTRAIT photography isn't really my deal. My passion is more for journalistic, travel, or freelance photography. The studio's in Tustin too...which isn't exactly a hop, skip, and a jump away...and with gas prices climbing the way they are, I got a hold of my sensible side and decided that maybe this just wasn't my golden ticket. Charlie knows what's up.

SO...I go to the restaurant today to see about a schedule...most likely full-time...may pick up some photo assisting on the side. I couldn't be more excited. In fact, I’m so excited, I’m egg-sided. How’s that for 9am humor? As mentioned earlier, I enjoy mornings (and afternoons and evenings, etc.)...especially outdoors. I’ll be working at the harbor in Dana Point...waitressing and doing whatever else...mostly outside on the patio. The water is less than 10 feet from me and the boats cruise by all day. I’m still not sure it's legal to call something this glorious a job...but I guess that's what we'll call it for now. Love love love the sound of it already.

Your Friend,
Jessie

If you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you give it time
You will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again...

this sums it up. and yet another 4 years...

2008-12-05T02:22:00.000-08:00

Monday, September 5, 2005

Dear Friend,

So I think tonight is a good journaling night. But the next few moments will reveal all...I might just slip away into a dream...that sounds much easier. If there were a way to magically pour all that is on my heart and in my head onto this screen…I would. But I realize that probably won’t happen, so I’ve cushioned my finger tips and planted myself in a cozy chair so my hands and ass won’t be numb when I finish all that I hope to accomplish. I'm sitting here in an American Eagle "wife beater" and baby blue cotton underwear (I buy way too many tanks and undies...it's a horrible habit) sipping none other than Organic Rooibos Orange Spice tea...Trader Joe's finest. The window's cracked a little and the combination of the sound of my ceiling fan and the trucks passing on the freeway is somewhat soothing. I feel just right.

I was thinking about the way we meet people...and how interesting it is. I really do think that every moment we experience in life and every person we meet happens for a reason...whether big or small. It's as if our lives were a painting...and each experience and every person contributes a color or stoke of a brush. Some add more color...some create bigger strokes...but each plays a part in the masterpiece we are on our way to becoming. I’m trying not to contribute this idealistic way of thinking to the fact that I’ve watched Serendipity more times than there are needles in Martha Stewart’s pincushion. This kind of stuff constantly runs through my mind. And consequently, I'm aware that the future has many more sleepless nights in store for me...starting again with tonight...

I wrote the following quote in a journal I kept my senior year in high school...funny how words that seem so applicable at one point of your life can be just as meaningful 4 years later...

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
-Rainer Maria Rilke

Love Love Love,
Jessie

still posting journals from 4 years ago because it's fun and they remind me of home.

2008-12-05T02:10:00.000-08:00

Monday, October 4, 2004

Dear Friend,

Today was the first day I’ve been sick in over two years. Where the hell do you find an immune system like that? It’s been said that much is 20/20 in hindsight. I’m finding that to be true. Maybe being raised in the ghetto years ago gave me the immune system of an army today. Today’s journal is dedicated to my unsanitary youth. I owe my healthy present and future to you.

I think I was awake for approximately 3 hours today. And in those 3 hours I mustered up the energy to file my bill receipts for the past five months, make eight cards, frame and hang four pictures, and wipe out a load of laundry...all while sipping a cup of hot chamomile and orange blossom tea. I amaze myself.

Lying in bed for the rest of the day was a treat. Though the restless part of me wanted to escape out my bedside window and enjoy the lovely weather on the other side of the glass and blinds. I resisted and slipped back into a dream, which I ought to do once again.

Good Night,
Jessie

it's definitely been a while since i've been sick...love that hulk hogan of an immune system!

october.

2008-12-05T01:47:00.000-08:00

Sunday, October 3, 2004

Dear Friend,

October is definitely not a summer month. It’s not quite winter either. It’s perfectly fall. Right now I can barely see the keys on my 14” ibook. I’m sitting here in my living room watching 50 first Dates by candlelight...with my roommate Megan. Just minutes ago she made a comment, “This is so romantic bebs.” I followed that up with, “Yeah, if only we were lovers...” It really would be nice. Not if she and I were lovers, but if the times that we spent ‘romantic’ nights like this alone were spent with someone who deserved them. Not that my roommate doesn’t deserve them...maybe deserve was the wrong word. I can’t concentrate and watch the movie at the same time. This is going nowhere. We’ll talk tomorrow.

Sleep Well,
Jessie

things like glass desks.

2008-12-05T01:38:00.000-08:00

a fine photo of 'nurse recruiter me' 4 years ago (headset and glass desk close by) and my brother from another mother/former boss, rob.
Friday, May 14, 2004

Dear Friend,

So it's finally Friday. I'm sitting here at 8:26am in my office at National Medical Registry in San Clemente, CA. I come to work every day and face my 17-inch Dell computer that rests heavily on this glass desk that will soon be replaced by a wooden one from Office Furniture Unlimited. Apparently, it doesn't meet the health standards of the corporate administrative center we’ve recently become. Who knew? All I know is that I will miss the support of this glass surface I have come to love and appreciate, more than I thought possible. And I realized a few seconds ago as I wrote those last words that one can come to appreciate many things in this life…more than people, relationships, money. We can appreciate glass desks.

Be Real,
Jessie

chatterbox.

2008-12-05T01:31:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, May 3, 2004

Dear Friend,

If there were a song for this moment (other than the Jamaican one playing in the background of this Starbucks in San Juan Capistrano), the song would be Mr. Chatterbox by Bob Marley...except it would be Ms. Chatterbox. Sitting across from me about 30 feet is a girl about my age and her father. They are dressed nicely, as if they had this date night planned since last Tuesday. I couldn’t help but over hear them placing their orders a few minutes ago. The daughter was treating her father. I knew this warmed the heart of the lady behind the counter, and more than that it probably reassured her that there are indeed still wholesome young women in this world. And having heard her comment about reminding her two young boys that this upcoming Sunday is Mother’s Day, I figured she was somewhat concerned of the prospects for daughter in-laws. So, the two have been sitting in the corner across from me for about 15 minutes now. I think the father has said a total of 7 or 8 words, at separate times. He managed to squeeze in an “Oh?” “Wow, really?” “Yeah, you should go for that...” Maybe the fact that she bought his coffee entitled her to carry the entire conversation. I don’t know. The idea was sweet about 15 minutes ago. Father and daughter walk into Starbucks at around 8:30 on a warm Tuesday evening in May, daughter treats dad to trendy beverage he has no idea how to order (“Uh...I’ll have a medium coffee with one cream and two sugars...?”), daughter initiates and maintains entire conversation, and father sits quietly waiting for brief pauses in her speech where he can sneak in a word or two...a way to feel a part of this conversation she’s having with herself. Hey, at least he can now tell his buddies at the office that he’s experienced a Starbucks Grande Caramel Macchiato, while they sip their medium coffee with one cream and two sugars and listen in awe. At what price they ask? Absolute silence.

I went for the more traditional Hot Chocolate this evening. Not a big coffee drinker myself, not a coffee drinker at all actually. I go for coffee alternatives…teas, vanilla steamers and hot chocolates. The latter two are real delicacies. The tea is the jeans and t-shirt of the three.

Stay Cool,
Jessie

at this moment: i am missing my local starbucks at home :(

synchronicity.

2008-12-05T00:59:00.000-08:00

if i'm boring anyone by posting journal entires from 4 years ago, speak up! if not, i'll keep 'em coming. it's a self-induced therapy session...and it feels good, especially while listening to frank sinatra's christmas album...

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Dear Friend,

I finished The Perks tonight. It was a glorious ending. As I closed the book and set it on my passenger seat, I placed the receipt from Borders back inside the front cover. I had been using it as a bookmark and decided to keep it so I could remember the day I bought the book. These are the strange things I do sometimes. This book meant that much to me. As I turned my key in the ignition I realized that I just read one of the best books I have ever read in my entire life. I put the car in reverse, backed out of my parking space (I was legally parked by the way), and drove away from the harbor. I slowly turned up the volume on my CD player and the Howie Day song, She Says, flowed perfectly with the rhythm of the turn I was making. It’s funny how that happens. Or the last words of the song are being sung right as I’m coming to a stop. It’s times like those that make me wonder if someone is filming my life like Jim Carrey in The Truman Show. Maybe everything happens in the time it was designed to. Maybe it’s all in the script, every word that’s spoken, glance that’s given, song that plays in the background. And what if we think we have control over the decisions we make, but really they’ve already been made for us? And then I realize that I think about things like this more than what is considered healthy.

As I drove away from the harbor tonight, I decided that I am much like Charlie. I understood him and I felt that if he were here with me, he’d understand me too. I wonder if there’s anyone else in this world that would read this book and feel the same way. If there was, I’m sure we’d be great friends…but maybe not because we’d be too alike. Maybe that’s why we haven’t met. Because we’re better off not knowing each other...we barely know ourselves.

I’ll tell you more tomorrow. I have to find another book to read. I’ll be awfully bored tomorrow if I don’t, but I don’t know what’s worse, that or knowing that the book I do read will never be nearly as good as the one I just finished. Probably the latter. I’ll find a book to read anyway.

Much Love,
Jessie

reflections.

2008-12-04T00:35:00.000-08:00

i'm still reading through my old journal and it's brought back so many memories of home. it's also reassuring to know that, though i have grown and changed in ways to be expected, i am indeed the woman i was at heart years ago...

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Dear Friend,

One quarter of the book to go. I’m excited for what the remaining pages contain, but sad because soon my communion with Charlie will be over. Well, I guess not. This is a book that’s influence on my life will not stop when I turn the last page. When I think of it like that I am much happier. It’s been difficult for me to take a lunch break at an appropriate time these past few weeks. I have a fax to send, an e-mail to respond to, the phone rings, it’s an important call (they’re all “important” by the way), and before I know it people are shutting down their computers for the night.

Today was different. I made a point to taking my lunch right at 1 o’clock. I had some reading to do. I sat at the harbor again for about a half an hour. I parked in a space that really wasn’t a parking spot. It was the space between the handicapped spot and the regular spots. It was shady. I knew I would only be there for a short period of time. I parked to the left of an elderly couple in a forest green Saturn station wagon. They were each reading the paper. My passenger window was cracked and I heard the old woman say to her husband, “That’s not a parking spot.” I sort of smiled at her but I don’t think she saw. And it wasn’t a smart ass ‘I’m parking here because I get a thrill out of breaking the law’ sort of smile. It was an attempt to reassure her that I was not the offspring of a careless mother and father who neglected to raise a lady. She was too busy giving my car a dirty look. I felt a few things. First, I thought, “If she only knew that I was far from the being the defiant teenager she assumed me to be...and I was in fact, quite a lady.” And second, I thought, “What a bummer that something as insignificant as me parking in this spot has given this poor lady something to complain about.” I feel bad for people like this.

Still Smiling,
Jessie (I like my name)

i still like my name :)

a closer look.

2008-12-03T00:24:00.000-08:00

so i've been having a blast looking through and organizing the gazillion photos i have on my external hard drive. in the midst of all the photos, i found a journal i used to keep in a Word document on my computer. it was fun to rediscover 'me' by taking a closer look into my mind 4 years ago...

Monday, April 26, 2004

Dear Friend,

This is my first letter to you. I am reading a book titled The Perks of Being a Wallflower and was inspired to begin a record of letters. I wish everyone could read this book so they could experience what I’ve experienced thus far, but I guess I can’t guarantee that it will mean as much to everyone else as it has to me. In that case, maybe it’s best that the only people who stumble across this incredible book are those who react to it in a way that I have. I couldn’t wait to get home and begin my first letter to you. This book did that much to me.

I see a lot of myself in Charlie. Charlie is the author of the letters in the book. He’s the wallflower, poetically described as one who sees everything, says very little, and understands it all, in so many words. I would quote the book, but it’s sitting in the passenger seat of my car. I plan on spending my lunch break tomorrow reading more. I read almost half of the book tonight. It made me think and feel several things. I sat in my car, parked at the harbor, reminiscing much of my childhood and dreaming much of my future. Before I explain more about that, let me first describe this evening.

I spent the past few hours reading at the Dana Point Harbor. I guess it’s the perfect place to be while reading a book like this, a place of pure nostalgia. Our family, mostly credit my mother’s persuasion, visited here often for picnics, birthdays, ice cream, long walks, and everything you don’t quite treasure until you reach a moment in life when those picnics, birthdays, ice creams and long walks mean far more than you can imagine anything else in life ever will. This place has provided much of what I savor about my youth and has served as a place of escape throughout the years; even in those I wasn’t aware I needed an escape.

It is here you will find couples, young and old, walking, swiftly or slowly, wrapped up in conversation or silently delighting in one another’s company. It is here you will find two 47 year old women, best friends, sitting at the wooden tables painted in a dark brown that almost looks gray, discussing topics as light as the latest spinach quiche recipe in Family Circle or as heavy as the infidelity in either of their marriages. It is here that you will find a family of five sprawled out on a giant sheet of grass, unloading the contents of their Craftsman cooler, preparing to partake in a meal that reminds me much of what my family did roughly 13 years ago on our red and blue checkered blanket, at this very same place. It is here that I sat in my white Volkswagen Beetle tonight and read the first half of a book that may have just awakened a part of my soul that I never knew was sleeping.

I was completely focused on the words I was reading, while thoroughly captivated by all that surrounded me. Things like the smell of the salty, fishy water, the sound of the crashing waves, the stickiness of the moist ocean air, and the fading in and fading out of conversation through my half-opened car windows were all very familiar. But things like the passing of a bickering young husband and his pregnant wife, the middle-aged woman with droopy boobs, and the Howie Day CD in my disc changer introduced feelings I had never experienced before.

I caught myself wondering what sort of home the son or daughter of that bickering husband and wife would grow up in. I wondered if the husband was jealous of his wife because she had the privilege of carrying their unborn child. They parked in the space next to mine, got out of their car and headed towards the sidewalk to begin their evening stroll. Seconds later, the petite brown haired wife requested that her beloved grab her sweater from the back seat of their steel blue sedan. He snapped back, “You’re always cold!” I wondered when the moment was that the love that couple shared in the bedroom the moment they created the child living within her womb escaped their relationship only to be exchanged with moments like this.

I saw a beauty in the lady with droopy boobs that only a silver wedding anniversary could bring. She radiated years of motherhood and carried the stride of a woman completely confident in her skin, which she undoubtedly saturated with Pond’s Cold Cream every night. She was the type of woman who bought place mats for the dining room table because those are the things that make a house a home. Her Better Homes & Gardens Cookbook was propped open against the kitchen counter more than it was closed and on the shelf collecting dust. She spent her Monday evenings clipping coupons from Sunday’s paper. When asked what he loved most about his wife of 27 years, her husband would endearingly reply, “Her droopy boobs.” It made me sad to think that the young pregnant couple didn’t share this sort of love.

As I soaked in every word I was reading, I couldn’t help but realize that the music playing in the background of my tiny little car was, in a strange way, the soundtrack of my life at that moment. As I read about the songs that were shaping Charlie’s life at 16 years old, I was realizing that I too am being shaped by the musical poetry I introduce my ears to. I had the urge to create a mixed CD like the one Charlie created for Patrick to remind me of these moments in my life. I wanted to somehow bottle up those hours at the harbor tonight the way I wished I could have bottled up the picnics, birthdays, ice cream, and long walks years ago.

I didn’t even come close to sharing with you nearly as much as I wanted to tonight, but if I don’t go to sleep now, I’ll be disappointed in myself in the morning for sleeping in later than I hope to. I’m weird that way.

I don’t know what to say,
Jessie

oh life...

quinoa w/ soy-glazed veggies & goat cheese.

2008-11-26T02:09:00.000-08:00

i'm a huge fan of quinoa. i love the way it tastes a little nutty, i love the way it looks with those curly little grainy ends, and i love the way you could pretty much use it in any combination of things...even stuffed in sweet pears! yeah, i know. that's next on my list! quinoa is an excellent source of protein to boot (along with countless other nutritional benefits)! (1 cup = about 50% of your daily value!) this is great news for the vegetarian/nutrition conscious me. and also, that doesn't leave my tall baller much room to complain that he's not getting enough protein in our frequently veggie friendly meals :) where there's a will, there's a way.

last night, like most nights, i was in the mood for this delicious culinary friend of mine. i had several carrots in the fridge that definitely had been ignored for about a week or so now. so i peeled and sliced about 5 carrots and steamed them in hot water for a few minutes, just until al dente. i drained the water and set them aside. meanwhile, i chopped 1 red bell pepper and 1 red onion (tear!) and sauteed them in a few tablespoons of olive oil. when they were somewhat softened, i added the carrots to cook for a few minutes more. then came the mushrooms (about 20 mushrooms, quartered). as the mushrooms were absorbing a lot of the juice from the other veggies, i added a few generous shakes of soy sauce. i kept all of this going on medium-low heat while the quinoa was doing it's thing. another great thing about quinoa is that it only takes about 20 minutes to cook; just enough time to get the veggies in and out at the same time. i topped it all off with a handful or so of goat cheese cubes (the goat cheese here in la palma is a different consistency, though delicious! they are known for it, along with the mojo of the canarias!) as the veggies and quinoa were all mixed together, the goat cheese softened amidst the heat and was a perfect compliment to the soy and nutty quinoa.

to read up more on quinoa, go here: http://www.whfoods.com/genpage.php?tname=foodspice&dbid=142 (my blog is weird and won't let me attach the 'clickable' link, so just copy and paste if you want to visit the site)

feliz navidad.

2008-11-25T06:32:00.000-08:00

12€ is all it took to fabricate this little spanish christmas gem. here's the run down:

4.50 - 2 foot fraudulent christmas tree
2.75 - silver & red bulbs & star for the tippy top
4.75 - strand of 50 mini white lights

and the happiness it brings to our little casa - priceless.

funny how the most joy often comes out of the simplest of pleasures. life is surprising, indeed.

carried away.

2008-11-24T06:58:00.000-08:00

my sweetest momma sent me a crafty package a few weeks ago chock-full of yarn in 3 shades, knitting and crocheting needles, needlepoint thread and needles, buttons, a canvas tote bag...and even small cinnamon pine cones to make our apartment smell delicious! to top it all off, she even included 2 packages of nestle's hot cocoa (with mellows!) and a little bag of reeses pieces for fred and i to share. talk about the most wonderful momma...i tell ya...that woman is something else!

today's been sort of a rainy outside/stay inside kind of day. after i caught up on a few emails and tended to the laundry, i was feeling a bit crafty. i've also been feeling like i could use a new purse/bag on my pretty little shoulder ;) so...i decided i'd get out my needle and thread and go to town on my new tote bag! i set out with just the heart in mind and then got a little carried away with love...

...as we so often do <3

this is my brother & i miss him.

2008-11-21T10:12:00.000-08:00

"Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet." -Vietnamese Proverb

"There's no other love like the love for a brother. There's no other love like the love from a brother." -Astrid Alauda

"God has blessed me again and again...Always a sister, always a friend." -Author Unknowm

"A brother is a friend God gave you; A friend is a brother your heart chose." -Proverb

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -Proverbs 18:24

love you scotty.

adventure.

2008-11-16T10:42:00.000-08:00

remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to. -j.r.r. tolkien

man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. -andre gide

we should come home from adventures, and perils, and discoveries every day with new experience and character. -henry david thoreau

yesterday john and i decided to take advantage of the sunshine and good weather and try our hand at paragliding. fred was our photographer extraordinaire :) we flew out at a point looking over the beach in puerto naos, on the other side of the island from where we live in los cancajos. the experience was incredible and the view was breathtaking.

BBQ update.

2008-11-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

this past week/weekend, our friend john was visiting from sweden. we had such a great time together and after a few cloudy and rainy days, the sun finally returned on john's last day in la palma. what luck! so last night we made sure to try out the grill again...and lo' and behold, the boys got the fire started! dinner was on it's way...accompanied by many glasses of sangria to top off a perfect november day in the company of a good friend.

travel.

2008-11-16T08:44:00.000-08:00

i just finished a great book called letters to my son, by kent nerburn. lately, i've been hopping from one book to another and i feel so blessed to have read so many good ones these past few months...and to have the time to do so. i found myself turning down corner and after corner on pages that i wanted to refer back to later. this book was full of inspiring words. though it was written from the author to his son, it is indeed a book that carries a timeless message(s) for all.

here is a quote that made me think of where i am and what i do, that being 'travel'...

"this is the magic of travel. any travel. you leave your home secure in your own knowledge and identity. but as you travel, the world in all its richness intervenes. you meet people you could not invent; you see scenes you could not imagine. your own world, which was so large as to consume your whole life, becomes smaller and smaller until it is only one tiny dot in time and space.
you return a different person.
all you need to do is give yourself over to the unknown. it doesn't have to be on a vast, dreamlike artic plain. it can be on a gentle stroll through a Wisconsin forest or on a street corner in Nairobi. what matters is that you have left the comfort of the familiar and opened yourself to a world that is totally apart from your own.
...to be a real traveler you must be willing to give yourself over to the moment and take yourself out of the center of your universe. you must believe totally in the lives of the people and the places where you find yourself, even if it causes you to lose faith in the life you left behind.
you need to share with them, participate with them. sit at their tables, go to their streets. struggle with their language. tell them stories of your life and hear the stories of theirs. watch how they love each other, how they fight each other. see what they value and what they fear. feel the spaces they keep in their lives.
become part of the fabric of their everyday lives and you will get a sense of what it means to live in their world. give yourself over to them - embrace them rather than judge them - and you will find that the beauty in their lives and their world will become part of yours.
when you move on, you will have grown. you will realize that the possibilities of life in this world are endless, and that beneath our differences of language and culture we all share the dream of loving and being loved, of having a life with more joy than sorrow."

i want to be a traveler, not a tourist. i want to leave my world behind...at least for a moment...long enough to experience the lives and places of someone and somewhere new. i want to return a different person.

green-olive bulgur w/ grilled zucchini & mint.

2008-11-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

i made this dish last week when i was rummaging through some old recipes i had clipped, saved and brought from home. this was one i found in rachael ray's 'everyday' magazine. her original recipe was titled 'green-olive chicken and couscous', but i didn't have any chicken at home (not that i eat it anyway) and to be perfectly honest, i didn't really want to make the 3 minute walk to the store at 7pm. so! i made a few adjustments of my own. i replaced the chicken with tuna and the couscous with bulgur. i had everything else here at home. i could eat squash every day, so naturally this dish appealed to me. i also loved the combination of lemon zest, cinnamon and fresh mint. all of those flavors came through in the end result. the semi-sweetness of the grilled zucchini and onions balanced out the tartness of the green olives. the garlic and cayenne pepper played their part too and gave the dish a little zip. so many flavors and so much fun!

bbq.

2008-11-08T12:51:00.000-08:00

when fred and i first decided that we were moving to our apartment here in los cancajos, one of the main events we were looking forward to was bbq-ing on our new balcony. the incredible ocean view, the pool and garden below, the plastic table and chairs that were provided...we visualized it all. sitting there, sunset ahead, with our red rioja wine in hand, fred digging away at his grilled solomillo steak with gorgonzola sauce...and me and my grilled veggies and salmon filet...that dream alone was enough to get us to sign the papers the day we met apartment numero 36.

fast forward 3 weeks. our sweet little fire-engine red bbq stands solemnly in the corner of our balcony. we attempted to give it a trial run a week ago, but to no avail. the fire would just not light! fred was out there giving it his all, and no hope was in sight. he had the same report from a fellow teammate and discovered that the missing link was some sort of special lighter sticks. go spain. so after a week of rain, we bought them today when we were out and fred was determined to master the grill before the night was over! again, no success. this darn fire is bound to light at some point! apparently, just not on our watch. huge bummer. the skewers were ready to go and that juicy solomillo was quivering on the plate, waiting to meet (no pun intended) those toasty coals. only one thing: those coals were not so toasty.

we shrugged our shoulders, whined a little, and brought everything inside. i got the skillet(s) warmed up and things were up and running. we will not go to bed hungry, but we will go to bed with 'fire' in our hearts for the next time around! fred had his solomillo steak with gorgonzola, we both had these delicious vegetable skewers (marinated in a little bit o' soy sauce), and we enjoyed our rioja wine...but that dream will come true...sooner than later, we hope. oh little spanish grill, we have faith in you :)

r & r.

2008-11-02T09:47:00.000-08:00

fred and i have both been dying to visit one of the most talked about hotels here in la palma. when fred is home on the weekends, saturday is usually our only full day to venture out and explore...so this saturday was a perfect day to pay a little visit to 'la palma princess hotel.' we started the morning off at home with coffee and a fresh bowl of chopped pears, persimons, cactus fruit and bananas (probably la palma's second largest source of income...there are banana trees EVERYWHERE!). then we began our 30 minute drive south at around noon. we arrived, checked in, wandered around a bit by the pool(s) and ate lunch at a waterfront/island pizzeria in the middle of all the pools. the view was spectaular and the food just the same. we shared a pizza (naturally) and a tropical salad. fred had a cold beer and i had a nice glass of white wine. this was the perfect way to get in the mood for our massage that was scheduled about an hour later! we arrived at the spa, spent a few minutes in the sauna and then each had a full-body massage. let me tell you, if massages were free, i would get one (or two) every day. they might be one of the best investments a person can make. of course, i'm being 100% superficial right now and at this moment i'm not even taking myself seriously, but hey...it was nice! afterwards, we did 'the circuit' in the pool (ice bath, jacuzzi, high-pressured showers, etc.) and spent the last few minutes in the turkish bath and sauna. i think i speak for the both of us when i say that i felt like JELL-O when we walked out of that place. absolutely heavenly. we went back to our room, changed clothes and made our way to the lounge for a few drinks before dinner. dinner was a complimentary buffet in the dining hall and we both went bananas. the food was delicious! and of course, as most people do at a buffet, we ate far too much. and we did the same thing this morning at breakfast before we left. we laid out at the pool for a little while before it was time to check out, but a ginormous rain cloud took our sunshine away, so our hour of pool time was cut short. we packed our bag, checked out and made our way home. we took a new route through fuencaliente and enjoyed the plethera of lava rock and farming fields along the way. though the roads are windy here in little la palma, the view is always surprising and always breathtaking. a full day of r & r was just what we needed. now the diet begins!

cherry tomato spaghetti all'amatriciana.

2008-10-31T04:56:00.000-07:00

i tore this recipe out from rachael ray's 'every day' magazine a few months back. i finally came accross it again this week and decided to try it out. pasta dishes of any kind are welcome in our house, as my tall baller can always make use of those carbs. this recipe called for small chunks of pancetta (italian bacon), but i used chopped pieces of parma ham instead (much easier to find in spain). i started out by cooking the ham in a little bit of EVOO until it started to get a little crisp to it. then i added 1 chopped red onion, 4 cloves crushed garlic (YUM!) and a dash or two of cayenne pepper. i didn't have the crushed red pepper on hand that the recipe called for. cayenne did the trick. after about a minute, i added 1/2 cup of vegetable broth (i didn't have white wine or chicken broth), 3 medium sized chopped tomatoes (the cherry tomatoes at our little corner market were ungodly!) and a 'generous' amount of salt and pepper (as the recipe suggested). i omitted the parsley (i only had cilantro in the fridge) and let this amazing mixture of goodness simmer while the pasta had just a few minutes left to go. when i drained the pasta, i reserved 1 cup of the hot water and tossed it back in the pasta pot, along with the pasta and tomato mixture. i gave this all a few big swirls and served it with freshly chopped basil and parmesan on top! now, i'm no meat eater, but the flavor of the ham sure makes a difference. the chunks are big enough to eat around and still enjoy the overall essence of the dish :) fred was in heaven, he had two bowls full! i just found out today that his friend will be visiting us from sweden in a few weeks. this dish is on the menu!

heather's quinoa recipe.

2008-10-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

i found this recipe on heidi swanson's blog, 101 cookbooks, and it looked so good. go figure! her recipes are the best! our local market didn't have basil(i know!) or pesto, so i used la palma's signature cilantro mojo instead. i also substituted brown rice for the quinoa (we had quinoa the night before). the tomatoes, roasted in olive oil and brown sugar, were to die for! basically, this is what we ended up with: brown rice+tofu+spinach+corn+roasted brown sugared tomatoes+pumpkin seeds+cilantro mojo :)

fajita night.

2008-10-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

fred's been craving fajitas...so last week we had a fajita night. of course i made his with grilled chicken strips. the rest of the ingredients included 1 big yellow onion and those 3 beautiful peppers you see above. i topped them off with sliced avocado and a little goat cheese. a random, yet delicious, touch! fred says they can make an appearance again anytime.

chocolate chip walnut cookies.

2008-10-22T12:14:00.000-07:00

"God gave the angels wings, and he gave humans chocolate." -Anonymous

pasta w/no-cook tomato sauce.

2008-10-22T12:03:00.000-07:00

hats off to that rachael ray gal. she's always comin' up with somethin'. i tore this recipe out of her 'everyday with rachael ray' magazine when i was home visiting my grams a few months ago. i had forgotten about it until it surfaced last week...so i gave it a whirl! i crushed a few chopped tomatoes with my hands (so fun by the way!) and added a bit of salt and pepper. then i poured in a little bit of garlic-infused olive oil that i had set to the side. finally, i added some lemon zest and cubes of butter and tossed it all in with the hot pasta. mixed with freshly chopped basil and topped with fresh parmesan, it was delicioso!

hummus en fuego.

2008-10-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

i'm a hummus fan for sure. and a fan of heidi swanson's blog, 101 cookbooks. here's to a blessed union of both faves!
http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/hummus-en-fuego-recipe.html

apple cinnamon chips.

2008-10-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree." -Martin Luther

caramel pear butter.

2008-10-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

yes, it IS as good as it sounds! i was introduced to this recipe by my 'swedican' friend julie...and thank goodness for THAT. she and i recipe swap almost every other day and earlier this week she told me about this recipe she found in her bon apetit magazine. 6 simple ingredients combined to make a masterpiece perfect for the fall season. i was crossing everything on my body as i walked to the market this afternoon, hoping they would have pears in the produce department. as mentioned in previous posts, our produce here in la palma is questionable...and i'm often left without what i need. hey, i'm not a bitter blogger, just an honest one ;) but alas! la mercado had pears o' plenty! i wasn't sure how many i needed (as the recipe from epicurious.com was in american conversions and not european), so i grabbed about 10 pears and went on my way! i arrived home, made a quick lunch for the swede and i and got to work on my pears. i could hardly wait! i only had 1/3 of the brown sugar the recipe called for, so i cut the entire recipe into (yes, you guessed it) 1/3. first, i added apple juice and fresh squeezed lemon juice into a deep stainless steel pot. then i peeled, cored and cut each pear into small chunks and added them to the pot. i brought this mixture to a boil for about 15 minutes (continuously stirring)...then lowered the temperature to about medium-low and simmered it for another 20 minutes, covered, but still peeking and stirring every 5 minutes or so. i removed the pot from the heat and gave it a quick puree with my hand mixer. i returned the pot to the heat, added a little more lemon juice, a pinch of coarse salt, a packed cup of brown sugar and a tad bit o' nutmeg...the nutmeg is KEY! it absolutely shines through in the final product. and as my dear grams always tells me, nutmeg is every good recipe's secret ingredient. after boiling this sweet mixture for about 45 minutes-1 hour, i removed it from the heat and poured it in hot jars that i had just sterilized in boiling water. my clever mama taught me a secret to remove the air bubbles...so i took her at her word and held a stainless steel butter knife in the jar as i poured the 'butter' into the jars. apparently that does the trick! i screwed the sterilized lids on tight and put the jars in boiling water for about 10 minutes to 'process' them as the recipe says. after all this, my only complaint is that 1/3 of the recipe only yields about 1 1/2 small jars. i can already tell i'll be pining for more in a few days. i have about 6 pears left, so if i can get my hands on some brown sugar this weekend, i'll for sure be making more. happy october...och tack så mycket söt julie!

making due.

2008-10-05T07:13:00.000-07:00

it's been eons since i've made good ol' standard chocolate chip cookies. so when fred requested them last week, i figured i better get my rear in gear and get to it! i was facing a bit of a dilemma though: 99% of chocolate chip cookie recipes call for baking soda...and that is one ingredient (among others) that little la palma is lacking. i'm not sure it's common in any part of spain come to think of it. i don't recall finding it when we lived in huelva 2 years ago either. anyway, i googled 'baking soda substitutes' and found that i could use baking powder and just double the amount! this was a glorious moment. i made a list of ingredients i needed and took a saturday stroll to the market. i came back with the rest of what i needed and got to making those sweet little cookies this morning. i followed the standard 'toll house' recipe from allrecipes.com. i know there are a gazillion other recipes out there and i just was at a loss as to which one to try...so this time, i stuck with the original. i only had half the amount i needed in white all-purpose flour, so i used whole wheat flour for the other half. we don't have liquid vanilla extract here either, so i used a powder substitute i found at the natural foods store a few weeks ago. chocolate chips are also not a commonality here in spain, so i bought 2 large 70% cocoa chocolate bars, broke them into large chunks, tossed them into a ziploc bag and hacked away at them for about 10 minutes with a sturdy wooden spoon to get them into small enough pieces. even with all the little changes and substitutions here and there, the results were beautiful. my tall swede will be home in about 2 hours...and this plate will be waiting for him with a smile :)

so many ideas...

2008-10-03T05:48:00.000-07:00

reasons not to say 'no' to our invite this coming june...you just never know who might bust a move.

keeping in mind.

2008-10-03T05:22:00.000-07:00

spice of life.

2008-10-02T00:39:00.000-07:00

so, as i mentioned in my previous post on curry paste, i had a recipe from 101cookbooks that i had in mind for last night's dinner. with that curry paste now in hand, i was able to get started! i didn't have the spinach pasta that heidi recommended, so i used whole wheat tagliatelle instead. the result was fantastic nonetheless. i also used an herbed tofu instead of plain. it was delicious! the combination of the freshly chopped basil and cilantro tossed in right before serving added so much extra flavor to the coconut curry broth. we just loved everything about this dish! it has a little pep to it, but hey, who doesn't like it when their eyes water a little? it's good for us all.

fred scale: to come!

happy birthday to my nieces!

2008-10-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

two of my six nieces have birthdays today! what are the chances?! i just wanted to wish them both happy happy days and big birthday blessings. hannah is 18 and angelina is 3...they are the sweetest peas in the pod as far as i'm concerned. i love them both so so much and cannot begin to express how much joy they've each brought into my life. they are both so beautiful, inside and out. hannah's been like my little sister...since i was 7 when she was born. she is so full of joy and shines like a star. angelina is the perkiest little one i know...she has so much spunk and energy and she just melts my heart whenever she opens her mouth. she is precious in all senses. i'm so glad they were born :) happy birthday to my sweet hannie and angeleenie bean. i am so grateful to be your aunt jessie.

curry paste.

2008-10-01T10:25:00.000-07:00

i was thrilled when i received heidi swanson's new recipe today from 101cookbooks.com. it looked absolutely delicious! and when i read the list of ingredients i was overjoyed as i had everything either in my fridge or on the shelf...everything, that is, but curry paste. such a key player too! i just couldn't leave it out. on our way home from the beach today, fred and i stopped at the market to see if they had any. i was a bit hesitant as our local market has let me down more than a few times...but we looked nonetheless. sure enough, no curry paste was to be found. so i came home and thought maybe my good friend Google could help me out. i searched for 'curry paste substitutions' and lo and behold, i found a recipe for curry paste itself! i had all five ingredients on hand too! i tossed chopped onion and ginger, minced garlic, cayenne pepper and curry powder in a bowl and gave it a quick buzz with my hand mixer. in a matter of seconds i had my very own homemade curry paste, ready to use in tonight's dinner! looks like some things are just meant to be.

stuffed mushrooms.

2008-09-29T14:39:00.000-07:00

when i spotted this recipe in my new native foods cookbook, i knew it would only be a matter of days before i had to try it out. i bought a dozen of big ol' white mushrooms at the market over the weekend...with this recipe in mind. today i went to the market again and got the last few ingredients i needed (shallots and parsley). i came home and hardly put my bag down before i got to work! i cleaned the mushrooms with a damp paper towel and removed the stems. then i finely chopped the stems and 4 shallots and sautéed them in a few tablespoons of olive oil. when they were soft and translucent, i added 1/2 cup of bread crumbs and 1/2 cup soy milk a minute later, along with 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. finally, i removed the pan from the heat and added 1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley. i stuffed each mushroom with a heaping spoonful and placed them on an oiled and foil-lined baking sheet. then i put them in a 350 degree oven for about 15 minutes and they were good to go! i let them cool for a just a few minutes...that was as long as fred and i could wait before we had to try one. we went nuts! they were so good. our friend pavel popped in later this evening as fred had the plate of mushrooms next to him. he offered pavel one...and then another...and before we knew it...they were gone. another success from native foods!

fred scale: 5...hands down!

open spaces.

2008-09-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

yesterday fred and i went on a boat excursion that left from the west coast of the island at puerto de tazacorte. we spent 4 hours way out in the atlantic. we came in close to shore to peek in pirate caves and swim for a while...but spent the rest of the time venturing out at sea. it was the most beautiful day...the sea was so calm and the water was so warm. the sun was smiling upon us :)

"not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." -henry david thoreau

"either we are adrift in chaos or we are individuals, created, loved, upheld and placed purposefully, exactly where we are. can you believe that? can you trust God for that?" -elisabeth elliot

"nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes." -henry david thoreau

"follow the purpose that is truly you. and effectiveness, enthusiasm, achievement, joy and fulfillment will all flow into your life." -ralph marston

the hollywood bowl.

2008-09-28T01:37:00.000-07:00

so i've beeen LOVING my new 'native foods restaurant cookbook.' i believe it's from heaven. my swedican friend julie recommended it to me. they have four restaurants in CA and i can't believe i never spotted them. anyhow, the book is amazing and i know i'll be making at least one recipe from it every week. other than their basic tofu marinade (and the mecca azteca salad that i had the recipe for before the book), this was the first recipe i tried. fred loves thai peanut sauce on anything...and i needed to make something hearty as he had a game the next day, so when i found 'the hollywood bowl' i knew it was destiny. gotta love the little reminder of home too in the name...oh california...my heart. the recipe called for brown rice, but i used barley instead. it was what we had in the cupboard...and fred's become a big fan of it these days anyway. i topped the barley with steamed mixed veggies and 'native foods' homemade thai peanut sauce (which, by the way, was so fun to make! roasted peanuts, soy sauce, grilled onion and garlic, coconut milk, maple syrup, vinegar...yum!). the recipe called for marinated tofu, but we had that the night before so fred requested chicken instead. i grilled a breast, sliced it and served it on top of his veggies. i could have very well had tofu again, but i decided to just go with veggies. topped with roasted peanuts and brunoise cut red peppers, this was delicious!

fred scale: 4.5 ('little less vinegar in the thai peanut sauce')

jessie's monday mix.

2008-09-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

this was just a little something i tossed together a few days ago. i trusted my senses and went with ingredients that sounded like they might get along well in a bowl of quinoa: grilled and chopped onions and summer squash, chopped dried apricots, chunks of feta, juicy pomegranite, and crunchy pumpkin seeds. thanks to the savory onions and grilled squash...and the saltiness from the cheese, this salad didn't call for any additional salt or dressing. it was an ideal one-dish meal. fred and i both scraped our bowls. definitely one to remember and make again.

fred scale: 5!!

mediterranean chicken.

2008-09-21T03:34:00.000-07:00

fred's been craving a mediterranean stuffed chicken recipe that i made almost a year ago, so last night i decided to give it another whirl. the original recipe, from real simple magazine, calls for black olive tapenade mixed with crumbled feta cheese. i couldn't find the tapenade here, so i made my own. i mixed 1/2 cup of chopped black olives, 1/2 cup chopped green olives, 2 tablespoons olive oil, 2 cloves crushed garlic, about 1/2 cup crumbled feta and a dash of black pepper. i thought i had bought chicken breasts, but when they were thawed i noticed that they were more like fillets than breasts...definitely not thick enough to stuff. that wasn't going to stop me though. i spread about a tablespoon of the olive/feta filling on each pounded fillet, rolled them up and secured them with toothpicks. i browned the rolled fillets in a few splashes of olive oil for about 2 minutes per side, then added a little less than 2 cups of chicken broth to the skillet. the chicken simmered in the broth for about 10 minutes before they were cooked through. i served the chicken alongside the new fine bulgur we purchased at an organic store on the other side of the island. the grains were about the size of couscous...but had a less round texture, if that makes any sense to you grain gurus. it was perfect when topped with warmed spinach and chopped, seasoned tomatoes.

fred scale: 4.5 (he's still being stingy with those 5's!)

genuine.

2008-09-21T03:12:00.000-07:00

i'm currently reading mother teresa's 'no greater love'. with every word read, every page turned, i am continuously inspired, encouraged and amazed by this woman.

here is what spoke to me today: "do not think that love in order to be genuine has to be extraordinary. what we need is to love without getting tired. be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies."

no regrets.

2008-09-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

a few days ago, heidi swanson posted a new recipe on her blog, 101 cookbooks, for her friend nikki's 'healthy cookies'...no eggs, no flour, no sugar. one might wonder how these could even be considered a cookie without those quintessential ingredients. well, i am here to tell you, they are cookies with a capital C. fred and i both have a knack for sweets, but not so much a knack for the love-handles that come as a result of devouring too many. so we compromise and eat them in minimal amounts...or opt for the more healthy choices. these were the latter. the main ingredients are oats, mashed banana, unsweetened coconut and chunks of rich chocolate. mixed with a few other ingredients (vanilla, coconut oil, baking powder, cinnamon, salt), then baked in the oven for about 13 minutes...they came out beautifully. i tried one before fred to make sure they didn't taste like poop. and for the record, they didn't. fred just arrived home today from his first game of the season in lleida. unfortunately, their team lost. fred, being the optimist that he is, feels alright about it and simply hopes for a win next weekend. thata boy! but a plate of 'welcome home cookies' couldn't hurt nonetheless.

fred scale: 4.5 ('outstanding for a sugar-less cookie!'

hoops.

2008-09-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

fred left this morning for his team's first game in lleda, spain tomorrow evening. this is the first game of the season! i wish i could have tagged along, but alas, i will gladly be propped right in front of my ibook unabashedly cheering him on.

never in my wildest dreams did i imagine that i would 'end up' with a professional basketball player. i played soccer growing up and the one year i played basketball, i ran the opposite direction in a game and almost scored a basket for the other team. definitely not my destiny to shoot hoops. but life is surprising and the good Lord has quite a sense of humor. i've learned more about basketball in these past 2 years than i ever knew...which wasn't much! i absolutely love watching fred play, which may have a thing or two to do with the fact that he is my better half, but also i truly believe that to watch anyone do anything they have an immense passion for and an incredible talent at is something quite special.

here's to my tall swede and a victorious game tomorrow! vamos la palma!

love.

2008-09-17T04:33:00.000-07:00

a simple reminder...

"be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love..." -ephesians 5:1-2

chakalaka.

2008-09-17T02:00:00.000-07:00

when venessa and i were in namibia over a month ago (over a month?! time has FLOWN by!), we got a good taste of a very popular soup called chakalaka. it is simply and wonderfully a dry soup mix made by knorr...and it really is called 'chakalaka'. knowing that i wouldn't be able to find it when i returned to sweden, and probably not here in spain either, i bought 2 packets to take home with me. i've been anxious to try it on my own and introduce fred to our african dining experience from namibia. during the week that venessa and i spent in ondangwa, we ate chakalaka soup almost every night, and almost always with an african cornmeal specialty called 'pap' (pronounced 'pop'). the customary way to eat the pap and chakalaka is to scoop out a hunk of pap and dip it into this spicy vegetable soup. i wasn't the biggest fan of pap, so i'm not sure that i enjoyed the chakalaka to it's full potential...until, that is, we were served the chakalaka over plain noodles the last night we were there. i loved it! perhaps i was just so hungry and the idea of anything in front of me besides pap was sheer heaven, not sure, but i have magnificent memories of pasta and chakalaka. that, my friends, is when i decided i had to bring a few packets home.
when fred and i were at the market yesterday, we just sort of grabbed a few standard food items and i stocked up on any produce that got my attention. we bought some frozen fish as well, what we thought was cod. last night i was sort of at a loss as to what to make (as i had quite a few new options). fred suggested something with the chakalaka soup! when he left for his evening practice, i quickly got online and googled 'cod' recipes. i found one that sounded like a perfect match to go with the soup. i sautéed 2 gloves of garlic in 2 tablespoons of olive oil, added 1 chopped yellow onion, 2 big chopped tomatoes and 1 sliced green pepper. the recipe called for 1/4 cup of white wine, but i substituted the wine with the soup. i had already preheated the soup in about 2 cups of hot water. i wanted the vegetables to cook in a good amount of liquid. just before fred arrived home, i added the chunks of fish and let the mixture simmer for about 10 minutes. i served it all over a bed of brown rice, making sure there was plenty of juice to seep through. my first bite was absolutely delicious. immediate memories of namibia, ondangwa, those sweet girls we stayed with, every bit of africa...it all came flowing back. funny how our senses can recall so much. everything about the meal was delicious...except...EXCEPT that the fish was indeed NOT cod. it was chewy and had a texture similar to squid, but we still have no idea what it was. the packaging only said 'pescado'...which means 'fish'. that didn't help us out to much. i scooped my fish to the side, as i was a little leery, but fred was a champion and ate all of his. he said it sounded like an apple he chewed it, haha. you just never know...

fred scale: 4 ('only because of the fish, but that wasn't your fault...and i loved the spiciness')

instinct.

2008-09-14T07:46:00.001-07:00

last week i was at a loss as to what to make for lunch. so i did what i usually do and just opened the cupboards and stared at things for a while. it didn't take long before things started to come together in my head. i got the bulgur going on the stove and tossed in a bouliion cube for flavor. in a medium-sized bowl i mixed together 2 small cans of tuna, 1 small can of sliced mushrooms, 1 small jar of roasted red peppers (chopped) and 1 about 2 handfuls of pitted green olives (chopped). when the bulgur was finished cooking, i let it sit for a few minutes and then tossed it in with the vegetable and tuna mixture. the olives, peppers and bouillon provide plenty of salt, but add more if you desire. just before serving i drizzled some balsamic vinegar over it all and gave it one more toss. i rarely give my own dishes rave reviews, but this was delicious! fred went bananas over it. well, it just so happened that i stocked up on the same ingredients to have for the next 'lunch emergency.' good thing i did...today was the perfect day to try it out again. this time i used barley instead of bulgur and it was JUST as good...maybe even more :) and i sprinkled a few pumpkin seeds on top to give it a little crunch. i had it all ready in to-go containers when fred came home from his morning practice (along with a container of sliced kiwi and honeydew melon...his favorites!) and we were out the door and headed for a beach picnic in no time. 'jessie's sunday salad' is becoming a regular.

good things come forth when you follow your instincts.

fred scale: 4.5

sabado.

2008-09-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

today was an all around 'feel good' sort of day. fred and i got an early start and were out the door and on the go by 1030...not bad for a saturday. we drove into santa cruz and parked near the post office (el correos). i had a handful of letters to send out since i started my new resolution last week: to write at least one friend or family member a card per day. we purchased stamps (sellos) and post cards (tarjetas postales) for me to write next week. our next mission was to find a yoga studio i had found an advertisement for. we paced back and forth the cobblestone streets of santa cruz trying to find it. along the way, we stopped in the church in plaza de españa, the heart of santa cruz. the church is called iglesia de el salvador. for some, this is known to be the best example of renaissance style in the canaries. i love old churches...i love the high ceilings...the steeples...the detail...the stained-glass. this one was beautiful. its tower, made of black volcanic stone, was built after the 1553 attack of the french pirate known as pata de palo, meaning 'wooden leg'. i jotted down the service times and we decided we'd come back sometime and check it out. we continued on our journey to find the yoga studio. alas! after trampling upon many embedded stones, we found ourselves standing right in front of 'centro om yoga'! there was a class in session, so we just tip-toed in and grabbed a schedule and price list. it was super clean and smelled of aromatic incense and had a definite calming aura...i was completely sold on it. the morning classes coordinate perfectly with the times that fred has training, so i'll start my first class on tuesday. i'm so excited! afterwards we stopped at a corner café for a beverage. fred had his iced coffee and i had my hot chocolate (chocolate caliente con nata). it was such a perfect time to relax and watch people pass by. a lot can be learned by observation. we saw an elderly lady fall while walking along the bumpy stones. the gentlemen sitting at the table closest to her immediately got out of his seat to help her up. the waiter even offered her a beverage from the restaurant while she sat and regained her strength. though she politely declined, in those 2 minutes i learned more about the art and necessity of kindness. i noticed a young spanish girl sitting with her family at the table behind us. they were all enjoying a cold beverage on this warm saturday afternoon. she wanted to say cheers (salut!) with everyone at the table and 'clink' their glass. i learned the joy of celebration. we walked a bit more through town and then made our way home. we spent the rest of our afternoon relaxing at home and goofing around online. fred took a siesta and studied spanish. i searched for a recipe online for tonight's dinner and continued doing everything that sums up what a saturday should be...an all around 'feel good' sort of day.

one lucky lady.

2008-09-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

so fred and i have been together for almost 2 years now. we're newly engaged and so excited about spending the rest of our days together :) as many of you know, one of my favorite places to be is in the kitchen...widdling away and letting my creative juices flow. i've always enjoyed cooking and baking...but more so when i found a man who appreciates food and enjoys it as much as my swede does. he is an absolute JOY to cook for. he always says thank you, always takes an interest and asks what the ingredients are and hardly ever leaves an empty plate. well, as much as i love preparing meals day after day...i've been a bit curious to see if and when he might offer to do the same for me sometime. note to readers: dreams do come true. just last night fred told me not to worry about dinner tonight, as he was taking matters into his own hands. ladies and gentlemen, i am so glad he did. he blew my socks off and totally wowed me! if i hadn't already said 'yes' to his proposal, i would have said it tonight! the fact that he made a dish of mine that i had made for him during one of the first weeks we met ('chicken and pineapple') made it even more special. he said it has always been one of his favorites. i sent him the recipe shortly after i made it...and he's made it by himself a few times. i could tell he had some practice...it was a masterpiece. another note to readers: this dish is one who's photo does not do it justice. it tastes 10xs better than it looks. fred switched the recipe up a bit and added his personal touch, which i loved. he used wild rice instead of white...and pineapple AND peaches instead of just pineapple. he is one smart cookie in the kitchen. and i am one lucky lady.

jessie scale: strong 5!

a true tale.

2008-09-12T16:00:00.000-07:00

once upon a time, there was an old spanish man in khaki shorts and a hawaiian shirt. the old spanish man said to himself, 'hey! it might be fun to put this little car in reverse while i'm driving down this hill!' (except he said all that in spanish). the old spanish man forgot that one of the most important things to do before and while reversing is to look in the rear view mirror. silly spanish man. well, as luck would have it, at the very same time a tall swede basketball player and his little californian fiancé were driving their sweet little vw caddy down the hill. they waited a brief second for the spanish man in the hawaiian shirt to come to his senses and take notice of the white vw caddy behind him. but alas! he did not. the swede man honked his little horn, 'peep peep peep!' but it was too late. this is what happens when some fairy tales come true.

reminder.

2008-09-12T15:25:00.000-07:00

sometimes we need to be reminded of just how lucky we are to simply be here...to be alive. the fact that any of us...that any THING exists is miraculous. anyone who begs to differ may not have had enough reminders in their life of it's fragility. we aren't as indisposable as we think.

the other day i was reminded, once again, of how every breath i take each day is a gift. of how the breaths that each of my friends and family...ones that i think of every day and ones that i think about every 3 weeks are all gifts that we accept without knowing and take for granted time after time. i do it more than i would like to admit. i take it all for granted. but times like this...serendipitous reminders...they help me to be a little more grateful for it all.

many of you are probably more familiar with the 'social networking website' we more commonly refer to as 'facebook' than you'd like to admit. for some of us, including myself, it's a lens through which we can see the happenings in the lives of our friends and family that we aren't close enough to meet with for coffee every day. the other day i noticed that a friend of mine made a short update on his status that he was 'a lucky guy.' he had left one the day before that mentioned something about an injury. i never took the time to see what all his comments were about. i finally just got too curious and had to see what he was referring to. on his profile page, many of his friends had left comments telling him to 'hang in there', 'praying for you', 'glad you're out of the hospital', 'glad your brain is functioning again'! this dated back to over 2 months ago. i immediately wrote and simply asked 'what happened?!?'. i felt so bad for being so out of the loop. i heard back from him today. this was his message:

'Long story...but I got hit by a DUI driver on 6/28, spent almost 2 months at Mission hospital with a brain injury, torn aorta, lacerated liver, ruptured spleen and bladder, collapsed lung, broken pelvis, two broken vertebrae, broken ribs, etc. etc. etc. Literally almost died...and am extremely lucky to have my brain functioning enough to be typing this comment. So anyway now I'm in full time therapy.'

a reminder? you bet. a reminder of so many things. of how much more grateful i need to be for my life, for my friend's and family's lives...and how important it is to be aware of what's happening in the lives of the people around you. keeping in touch is underrated. sometimes we just need a little reminder.

to all my friends and family, i love you. i am grateful for you and thinking of you right now...hoping you are all happy, healthy and safe and sound.

slump.

2008-09-10T10:31:00.000-07:00

so today's been a little bit of a blue day. lately i've just been in a sort of slump. arriving here to la palma has been such an exciting experience and i've had a blast getting to know the island and exploring all that is new and unique and wonderfully spain. it's so good to be united with fred again after being away for a few weeks in africa and then on my own for a few more weeks wrapping things up in sweden. i feel unbelievably and copiously blessed and am constantly astonished by all that i've been given. but sometimes, like john mayer so poetically says, something's missing. i feel so lazy...so purposeless...so dead. i have moments of happiness, days that are better than most, friends and family that bring so much joy, adventures in the kitchen that i thrive on, but at the end of the day...i don't feel that i have done enough...that i am enough. in the midst of all those blessings i feel, i also feel so blue. and often times, i don't even know what's causing it...it's just a feeling. today's been that sort of day...a sort of pensive, hollow day. fred and i talk about this a lot, and he is an angel to care as much as he does. he wants nothing more than for me to be happy. if only i knew how to make that happen.
well, serendipitously enough, just this afternoon i received a weekly email from realsimple.com. the title of the email was '9 Things You Can Do to Be Happy in the Next 30 Minutes'! i couldn't believe it. i do believe these sort of occurences are preordained. i immediately opened the email and read the list. i was so encouraged and felt a sense of hope. i copied the list in my journal and plan to refer to it daily...as a reminder of where my focus needs to be. i've pasted the list below to share with all of you. and p.s. i just signed up as an organ donor. i believe i'm already registered, as i have the sticker on my driver's license, but i just wanted to be sure. as for the rest of the list, i'm on my way!

(the following is written by gretchen rubin from real simple magazine, september 2008)

Being happier doesn’t have to be a long-term ambition. You can start right now. In the next 30 minutes, tackle as many of the following suggestions as possible. Not only will these tasks themselves increase your happiness, but the mere fact that you’ve achieved some concrete goals will boost your mood.

1. Raise your activity level to pump up your energy. If you’re on the phone, stand up and pace. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Put more energy into your voice. Take a brisk 10-minute walk. Even better…

2. Take a walk outside. Research suggests that light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood. For an extra boost, get your sunlight first thing in the morning.

3. Reach out. Send an e-mail to a friend you haven’t seen in a while, or reach out to someone new. Having close bonds with other people is one of the most important keys to happiness. When you act in a friendly way, not only will others feel more friendly toward you, but you’ll also strengthen your feelings of friendliness for other people.

4. Rid yourself of a nagging task. Deal with that insurance problem, purchase something you need, or make that long-postponed appointment with the dentist. Crossing an irksome chore off your to-do list will give you a big rush of elation.

5. Create a more serene environment. Outer order contributes to inner peace, so spend some time cleaning off your desk and tackling the piles in the kitchen. A large stack of little tasks can feel overwhelming, but often just a few minutes of work can make a sizable dent. Set the timer for 10 minutes and see what you can do.

6. Do a good deed. Introduce two people by e-mail, take a minute to pass along useful information, or deliver some gratifying praise. In fact, you can also…

7. Save someone’s life. Sign up to be an organ donor, and remember to tell your family about your decision. “Do good, feel good” — it really works!

8. Act happy. Fake it 'til you feel it. Research shows that even an artificially induced smile boosts your mood. And if you’re smiling, other people will perceive you as being friendlier and more approachable.

9. Learn something new. Think of a subject that you wish you knew more about and spend 15 minutes on the Internet reading about it, or go to a bookstore and buy a book about it. But be honest! Pick a topic that really interests you, not something you think you "should" or "need" to learn about.

Some people worry that wanting to be happier is a selfish goal, but in fact, research shows that happier people are more sociable, likable, healthy, and productive — and they’re more inclined to help other people. By working to boost your own happiness, you’re making other people happier, too.

el granero.

2008-09-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

one of my fabulous purchases at hierba buena on monday was these whole wheat pizza crusts. the brand name, el granero, means 'the barn' in english. i love that. i guess it just feels like a 'natural' sort of name...it feels earthy...and i like the earth. i didn't have any ideas in mind when i bought the crusts...though i knew it wouldn't be hard to come up with something. a light went on when i found a jar of barbecue sauce in the cupboard. i had just bought some chicken too. note to readers: barbeque + chicken + pizza = a happy fred. i had everything i needed...except cilantro! blast! i was way bummed, as cilantro is indeed a key ingredient in bbq chicken pizza, but i figured i could make due with the fresh parsley i had on hand. so i decided that one pizza would be 'fred friendly', while the other was still TBD (to be decided). i was chatting with my swedican friend julie the night before last and she was talking dinner ideas as well. she mentioned that some of the fresh produce/fruit stands in uppsala have had asparagus for sale, so if she could find it again, she would be making asparagus soup for dinner...but if not, she was planning on making a pizza! well then, now we really got to talking! i asked her what she had in mind. she mentioned this no-fail super tasty cookbook she uses for great pizza ideas, the cheese board collective works. julie was planning on making one with roasted eggplant and red peppers (both of which i had in stock!). she gave me the basic rundown of how it's made, and i threw in a few tricks of my own. i didn't have the feta or mozzarella that julie's recipe called for, so i shredded some spanish goat cheese (which has a firmer consistency than the soft goat cheese most of us are familiar with). this flavor ended up being fantastic on both the roasted vegetable pizza and on the bbq chicken, according to fred. i sprinkled a thin layer of cheese on the whole wheat crust, then i grilled the eggplant in a few splashes of olive oil and set the 1/4 inch slices aside. the red peppers i had were already roasted and jarred, so i cut one big pepper in slices and arranged them on the pizza with the eggplant. i sprinkled a handful of left over chopped red onion from fred's bbq pizza on my veggie, along with a clove of crushed garlic. then came a bit more cheese, a few pinches of salt and a pinch or two of dried mixed herbs from my mother in-law's garden. the hint of rosemary was to die for. the pizzas only bake for about 10 minutes each and before you know it, dinner is by your side. we were so excited to dig into our pizzas that i almost forgot to take a picture for you all before they disappeared!

p.s. julie ended up making the pizza too :)

fred scale: 4 ('the crust was amazing! and the pizza in general was so good, but the over all flavor would have been better with the cilantro. parsley's just gotta different flavor')

each other.

2008-09-07T02:24:00.000-07:00

i had an english teacher my freshman year in high school who made such an impression on my life that i still think of his wise words to this day. i remember in one class, he told us about how his father had always told him that 'if you can live and die with 5 really great friends...true and genuine friends...the ones that are always there...you are blessed.' i've never forgotten that. perhaps that i have always preferred a few close friends than a large group, it rang more true to me. whatever the case, i've thought of those words so often in the past 11 years since.

i think about where i am today and my number is greater than 5. and never a day goes by that i don't count how blessed i am to have the friends i do. friends that share in my joys, sorrows, exciting times and friends that allow me to do the same for them. friends that continue to remind me how relationships with good people...great people...can change your life.

my dear venessa sent me these inspiring words this morning from a book she's reading...

"Remember to be gentle with yourself and others. We are all children of chance, and none can say why some fields will blossom while others lay brown beneath the August sun. Care for those around you. Look past your differences. Their dreams are no less than yours, their choices in life no more easily made.
And give. Give in any way you can, of whatever you possess. To give is to love. To withhold is to wither. Care less for your harvest than for how it is shared, and your life will have meaning and your heart will have peace."

we are here for each other.

quinoa & grilled zucchini.

2008-09-06T17:07:00.000-07:00

today was intended to be pool slash BBQ day, but the weather wasn't really permitting. don't get me wrong, it was warm, just a little too cloudy to get in the 'pool slash BBQ' mood. instead we decided to try out a new market in santa cruz and do some grocery shopping. never a bad idea in my book. we walked in and fred and i each grabbed a basket. he went one direction and i went the other. every few minutes we would cross paths and he would have things like beer, orange juice, and bread in his basket...and i had sugar-free chocolate and a plethora of produce. our local market is sort of slacking when it comes to fruits and veggies, so when i saw the selection at 'hiper trebol', i'm almost positive i heard angels singing above me. i had eggplant, lettuce, button mushrooms, red bell peppers, pomodorino tomatoes, round zucchini, peaches, bananas and apples all in my basket! i was imagining what my week was going to look like making all these wonderful vegetables at home...so good!
after we were through at the market, we stopped at the beach to dip our toes in the sand and test the water. it was actually quite warm. if the sun were out i might have been tempted to jump right in then and there. maybe next time. the sand is beautiful though...black, fine grains...super cool.
so we finally arrived home and i got everything unloaded and put in its place. with all our new goodies on the shelf and in the fridge, i somehow still had no idea what i was going to make for dinner. typical of indecisive me. so i logged on to a website that i can always count on: 101 cookbooks. heidi never fails. i came across a recipe of hers that i've made before, but it was so good (and i had everything i needed on hand), so i decided to make it again. i was excited to use those new round zucchinis too! the avocado lime dressing is delicious, easy and adds a good amount of flavor to the quinoa. once the dressing was tossed in, i topped it all off with grilled zucchini chunks, pieces of goat cheese, toasted sunflower seeds (i didn't have the pine nuts the recipe called for), a quartered hard-boiled egg and a sprinkle of chopped cilantro. in 3 words: not too shabby ;)

fred scale: 4 ('the avocado dressing added so much flavor and made the quinoa not so dry...and i'm always a big fan of all those seeds and stuff...')

caramelized tofu.

2008-09-05T18:41:00.000-07:00

every week i get updates from heidi swanson's blog, 101 cookbooks. i just love everything her taste buds do...and her photos and words make all her dishes that much more appetizing. her all-natural vegetarian lifestyle speaks to my heart...and stomach :) i had some tofu in the fridge and have been wanting to find a fun recipe to use it with. when i received heidi's email update this week, a light went on in my head and i remembered that she had a long list of tofu recipes on her blog. i decided to go with one of her 'favorites': caramelized tofu. she served hers over sautéed shredded brussels sprouts, but i wasn't sure how my tall swede would react to that, so i went with a bed of cooked spinach, which he loves. he also eats more than the 'average joe', so i served this dish with whole wheat spaghetti as well (quinoa, bulgur or whole wheat cous cous would be a delicious alternative). our little corner market didn't have any pecans, so i substituted walnuts. the change made hardly any difference, i am sure. the hints of garlic and fresh cilantro added so much extra flavor and balanced out the sweetness against the brown sugar.

fred scale: 4 ('i was pleasantly surprised by the tofu and really liked the caramelized walnuts')

feeding the dream.

2008-09-05T17:12:00.000-07:00

i've often thought about opening my own store someday. sometimes that store is a café, sometimes that store is a family diner, sometimes that store is a collection of all the things i love and find inspiring, tasty, beautiful and unique. lately i've been desiring the latter. after stumbling across that biológico store i've mentioned in previous posts, i can't help but dream of one day having a place just like it :) when i was getting my hair done yesterday, fred was outside wandering the streets and found another organic healthfood store! i couldn't believe it. i was so excited. we didn't have time to check it out at the time, so we came back today. it's called 'hierba buena' (meaning 'good grass'). i found a lot of the same products as that last store, and then some! i wrote down a lot of terms i didn't know and can't wait to look them up online tonight and see how i can use them at home. they had quite a selection of aromatherapy and all-natural beauty products as well. we didn't buy anything at hierba buena, but while we were waiting for all the shops to open up after siesta, we walked around town and spotted a store called 'aloe'...so that was destination numero dos. they, too, had a lot of the same line of products as the biológico store, but a lot of vitamins and health supplements that the other two didn't. they had a great selection of teas and coffees too. we left with OATLY milk alternative, tropical muesli, sugar-free strawberry jam, mild smoked veggie hot dogs, whole cane sugar, and quico (quinoa/lentil/carrot blend)! these are the moments and purchases that make me so happy. i am constantly amazed by my life and all that comes my way. i just feel so darn blessed. i am feeding the dream.

maroparque.

2008-09-05T16:18:00.000-07:00

fred and i decided last week that we want to make the most of our time here in la palma and do all those touristy things that people who are here not living here come to do. (yay for run-on sentences). he read that there was a ZOO (!!) in santa cruz! note to readers: jessie loves the zoo, specifically monkeys at the zoo. fred had the afternoon off, so we took a little drive. he wasn't sure exactly where the zoo was, but we thought we'd just see if we might stumble across it. well, fred just happens to be the world's best stumbler. he is so good at finding things on the road. goodbye mapquest, hello fiancé! since we serendipitously ended up in the right place, it would have been silly not to go in, so we did. the friendly man behind the desk even gave us 'residence price' tickets because fred's basketball team won their practice games this last week. no joke. he said that...in spanish. fred understood and laughed. i didn't understand and just took my ticket. THIS, my friends, is why i will be taking spanish lessons pronto! i am missing out for sure. back to the zoo! it was such a great experience and i'm so glad we went. i saw so many birds and fish and plants and 4-legged friends that i've never seen before. we were a little bit leery when it came to standing 3 feet from the 'sleeping' crocodile, but we made it out alive. favorite experience for fred and jessie: holding hands with the capuchin monkey.

life is an adventure if we allow it to be.

(as always, for my plethora of pictures that i do NOT post on this blog, go to http://www.flickr.com/photos/25034845@N07/)

spring rolls.

2008-09-05T15:51:00.000-07:00

i nearly went bananas when i found rice paper at the market the other day. i guess with the luck that i've had so far at finding all the 'cool and unusual to spain' foods i love, i shouldn't be all that surprised. just last week i came across a recipe for spring rolls and thought to myself, 'i would love to make those someday...' well, 'someday' came a lot sooner than i expected. i had most of the ingredients i needed at home (lettuce, carrots, cilantro, shrimp, noodles). i took a stroll to our little corner market up the street in search of bean sprouts, mint, spring onions and perhaps some peanut dipping sauce...but all i managed to come home with was a cucumber. so i made due. and 'due' was delicious! we dipped ours in soy sauce, but peanut or red chili sauce would be fantastic. i'll be keeping my eye out for other ingredients to try out for the next time...because there will be a next time indeed.

fred scale: 3.5 ('soy sauce didn't pair well enough...')

variation.

2008-09-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

julie and i do an awful lot of recipe swapping. a few nights ago she told me about a recipe she found on a swedish site, elle mat & vin (elle food & wine). we've been loving the chanterelle mushrooms in sweden lately. well, i WAS before i left for la palma a few weeks ago. this recipe tonight was one of julie's recommendations: 'varm bulgur med kantareller och granatäpple'...which so beautifully translates into 'warm bulgur with chanterelles and pomegranate.' seeing as pretty little la palma is without those delicious chanterelles...i made due with great big button mushrooms. i had to make a few variations due to lack of the correct ingredients, but the dish was quite delectable nonetheless.

here's how it all went down: i cooked the bulgur in boiling water and a vegetable bouillon cube (which added an excellent amount of flavor!). when the bulgur was ready, i set it aside to keep warm and sautéed the sliced mushrooms and chopped shallots in a tad bit of butter. i seasoned those with a bit of salt and pepper and tossed them into the warm bulgur, along with a few handfuls of chopped pistachios, cilanto and a dash or two of thyme. once on the plate and ready to serve, i topped it all off with cubes of soft goat cheese (which is a bit different consistency here in la palma, but delicious just the same) and those sweet and crunchy pomegranate seeds.

i would for sure make this one again. so many flavors and textures and uber healthy to boot!

fred scale: 4 ('i'm stingy with my 5's, but this was too good to be a 4!')

after all...

2008-09-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

after finding a salon to schedule a walk-in hair appointment apparently wasn't going to happen, i tagged along with fred to his practice yesterday. his practices are usually about 2 hours...so i knew i had some time to kill. good thing my good friend 'cannon' came along. i walked around, took some pictures, laid in the warm sunshine and avoided lizards. above are a few shots (no pun intended) of the basketball arena where he plays here in la palma...because after all, that is why we're here ;)

heaven in a bowl.

2008-09-02T06:17:00.000-07:00

many months ago, my swedican friend julie told me about a vegan restaurant in california that she frequented often: 'native foods'...i had never heard of the place. apparently they also have a cookbook! well, julie's been telling me about their amazing 'mecca azteca salad' and i've been dying to make it. the last week i was in sweden, before i arrived here to la palma, julie invited me over for dinner and we fine dined on this long-awaited salad at last. i still have memories of how delicious it was (and how sweet the company). there was nothing about it that i would change...it was everything i love (besides my dear swede) tossed in a bowl. crunchy mixed lettuce leaves, soft grains of quinoa, chopped tomatoes, cucumbers, red onions, avocado, mango...then sprinkled with pumpkin seeds, big, juicy raisins and a dash of cayenne pepper...all drizzled with the most wonderful mango lime vinaigrette. the dressing alone is a masterpiece of pureed mangoes, golden syrup, fresh squeezed limes, oil, vinegar, sea salt, and freshly grated ginger. every flavor comes alive at each bite taken. i will for sure make it again...and again. as for that cookbook? it's ordered and on it's way to my doorstep.

fred scale: 4.5 ('very, very good! i was tempted to hand out my first 5, but it was a tad bit too sweet')

serendipitous.

2008-09-01T10:05:00.000-07:00

a few days ago when fred and i were walking around in santa cruz (la palma's capital which is about 5 minutes driving from san antonio, where we are), i spotted a 'biologico' (natural) foods store. i was in heaven! we were only in town for a short time that day, so i frantically grabbed some bulgur, barley and all-natural peanut butter for fred and promised myself i'd be back in less than a week. well, i am indeed a woman of my word. we were back there today and i loaded up...well, compared to my last visit...though i STILL have my eye on so many more things. i guess the beauty now is that i know this sweet little store is not going anywhere...and neither am i. we are well on our way to a beautiful friendship :) i took the picture above mostly for my dear 'swedican' (american living in sweden) friend, julie. i've been telling her about this store since i found it last week. she and i share the same passion for natural foods and it thrills us to no end to buy the sort of things you see above. today's purchases included: 2 bags quinoa (some of which i will use in a mecca azteca salad this week!), green lasagna noodles, baking powder (at last!), more of fred's new favorite crunchy peanut butter, tofu, OATLY créme fraiche alternative (p.s. OATLY products are from heaven! they are all made from oats and vegetable products and are naturally dairy free), pumpkin seeds (not pictured) and that wacky spaghetti measuring fork! i had the best time looking around at everything. and fred did too! reason #3,974 i know we're perfect for each other. this place is amazing, i tell you. it is perfectly tiny and has everything that makes my whole heart happy. the pretty little spanish girl that runs it is so in her niché and has done a fabulous job decorating and stocking the store. they also have a little section of handmade jewelry, handbags, summer dresses...and then a table full of cookware and utensils and teapots and beautiful things. they have pesto, tahini, nori, hummus, honeys, jams, sauces, spices, dried herbs, fresh baked BREAD! i can go on forever. i am a HUGE fan. this, my friends, is quite possibly the type of store i would love to have of my own someday. time reveals all. and dreams do indeed come true. and i am learning that life is serendipitous in more ways than i could ever imagine.

sunday stroll.

2008-08-31T09:21:00.000-07:00

“If a man could pass through Paradise in a dream, and have a flower presented to him as a pledge that his soul had really been there, and if he found that flower in his hand when he awake - Aye, what then?” -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“I can see how it might be possible for a man to look down upon the earth and be an atheist, but I cannot conceive how he could look up into the heavens and say there is no God.” -Abraham Lincoln

“Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.” -Stephen Wright

"He that raises a large family does, indeed, while he lives to observe them, stand a broader mark for sorrow; but then he stands a broader mark for pleasure too." -Benjamin Franklin

playa bonita.

2008-08-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

today fred and i took a 5 minute drive down to the beach closest to us in san antonio, the area where we live. the beach is called playa de los cancajos, named after the community itself. it's the second largest community on the island and it started to become a tourist attraction almost 30 years ago when they began building the island's first hotels in this area. the town is filled with apartments and hotels that line the coast, and restaurants and shops to keep the community hopping. the beach is quite small, in comparison to those that i am used to in southern california, but it is beautiful, clean and quaint. la palma is a volcanic island, as are the other 6 canary islands, so the sand is black and the rocks in the water (and those that are used to build walls along buildings and paths) are all black lava rocks. it's such a pretty contrast with the bright blue water.
after we got an ice cream, we stopped in the tourist office to ask about any job opportunities that might be available for me, the non-spanish speaking american, haha. the guy was nice...and honest. he showed us a website that we can refer to for job listings, but said that tourist season is winding down right now for the summer...and will probably pick up again in november. so we will see! but until then, i have decided (along with fred's encouraging) to learn spanish! i will for sure keep up my swedish as well! today is my first day with spanish. i found a link online to help me with the basic phrases and such...then i will move on to fred's spanish grammar books. he has learned quite a bit over the past few years (having played 3 years in spain already), so i'm lucky to have a live-in tutor :) we'll see how it goes! here is my sentence for the day: 'la carta es para concha.' translation: 'the letter is for concha.' always good to know.

groove.

2008-08-28T06:35:00.000-07:00

it's day number 3 here in la palma and i'm feeling so good about getting back into my groove in the kitchen. i bought a cookbook before i left sweden . i think i mentioned it in my last post. it has a 6 week menu plan for both lunch and dinner, so i've been using it as my guide. it's sort of fun, and somewhat 'disciplining' to follow a set schedule. the 'old' me would go off course and find a new recipe online at rachael ray or epicurious or something and get distracted. but alas! i am happy to say that i have completed recipe #4 and am right on track. today's recipe was called 'kyckling med bönor & grekisk sallad' (or for our english speaking audience, 'chicken with beans & greek salad'). i'm struggling a bit to find all the ingredients i need here (especially at our small, local market), but i am facing the challenge and doing my best. i made a few variations (i.e. gorgonzola instead of feta, parsley instead of mint, yellow onion instead of red), but it pleased the crowd that is fred and i. i don't want to make this blog about food, as i have one of those already , but there's not a whole lot going on in my days right now and i want to stay in touch with all of you, so this is what today's post is about! ¡Buen apetito!

hola la palma.

2008-08-26T07:59:00.000-07:00

so today is my first full day on the island of la palma, our new home in the canary islands. while i was in africa, fred got an offer to play here this year, and he took it. he was gone before i arrived home to sweden. he's been wanting to play out in europe again after being home in uppsala last year. this offer came so fast and it was nearing the end of the summer, so he was thankful for the opportunity. as for me, i am happy to be wherever he is, unabashedly cheering him on. uppsala has become home to me over the past year though. there was never one thing that i didn't like or enjoy about living there. i fell in love with the friends and family i met, the beauty, the culture, the language, the food...everything. i quickly got used to the 'colder than san clemente' temperatures and life was indeed swede. but life is also surprising. we don't always end up where we expect, with whom we expect, doing what we expect. these past 2 years have proven all of those to me...at a rapid pace. in no way am i where i thought i would be, with whom i thought i would be, doing what i thought i would be doing...and as much as i miss certain comforts of home (both in san clemente and in uppsala) i wouldn't change it for the world. life is about challenge...about growth...about learning and discovering. it's also about loving...and that is what i feel i am doing here in la palma. more than any reason for myself, i am here to support fred. as much as this was his desire to be here, that desire came more from a professional and financial ambition. everything about the social atmosphere at home in uppsala was comfortable...and a lot of that is what we both miss when we're away. but if we do this together, we're not alone. if i am here to support him in this transition...and he is here to support me, i'm pretty sure we'll be ok.

we were talking today about some things i could get involved in. i don't want to sit home all day while fred's at practice for 2 and 1/2 hours in the morning and the evening. so i'm going to be sure i go with him a few times a week and swim or run laps at the pool or track where he practices. i also really want to work! i'm hoping to find somewhere that needs an english speaking person...maybe some place touristy? english isn't very common anywhere in spain, so in that way i'm sort of out of luck...but maybe being here on an island, with a possibility of more tourists, i might be able to find something. who knows? that is what i am hoping. now i have to begin the search! if not, i thought i could look for something to do online. i still would love to keep selling my cards (so all you readers keep that in mind and send me your requests!). i think back to how happy i was working at proud mary's a few years ago. i just loved being a waitress...i was totally in my niche. working in a place where i knew and understood the people and loved what i did...that is something i would love to find again. i know the good Lord has a time and season for everything...so i pray i have the eyes to see what He has for this season of my life.

as for la palma! it's been a great experience so far...and it's only day 2! yesterday i arrived in the morning, right before fred left for practice. i spent the late morning unpacking, sweeping, mopping, getting organized...just making things feel like home. i can never really settle in until i do all those things that make my mind rest a bit easier. when fred came home, we headed out to a few stores to get a few things for the house. we needed a lot of little necessities (i.e. trash cans, hand towels, floor mats, batteries, etc.). we grabbed some spanish take-out from a place fred's been frequenting on our way home. lunch was paella, pimientos rellenos de bacalao, and croquetas de bacalao. it was so fun to eat spanish food again. though it's not my favorite, there were things i've missed since we lived in huelva two seasons ago. i took some pictures of our place yesterday evening when fred was at practice. that's what you see above. it's really nice to be close to the ocean again...i've missed the salty smell in the air and wide open blue. so different from home, yet a sweet reminder. today we drove into santa cruz, the capital of la palma. we live about 5-10 minutes away. we walked along the main shopping street (which isn't all that much...but i love the cobblestone roads and all the trees and old buildings) and then we stopped for lunch at a little café. fred and i shared our usual ensalada mixta and we each got a bocadillo (small sandwich on a baguette). mine was with smoked goat and manchego cheese. so good! we walked around a little more and i spotted a natural foods store! it was super small, but they had a lot of things i know i will go back for. we left with bulgur, barley and organic peanut butter. i've been so excited to get back in the kitchen. i bought a cookbook in sweden before i left that was recommended to me by a friend. i love it! it's called 'klaras goda GI-dagar'...and it's all about foods and meals that have a good GI...which is what fred is all about...and me too! the cookbook has a 6 week lunch and dinner menu plan. i really want to see if i can follow it and make all the meals (these are the sort of things that excite me, haha). so tonight i will walk to the market when fred is gone at practice and i will buy all the things i need for dinner tonight and lunch and dinner tomorrow. i just finished writing my list and looking up all the ingredients in spanish. i will have this down in no time, i am sure, haha. wishful thinking, but we'll see! i'll try to get some pictures up for all of you to see too...as grandma says, 'every plate is a picture'...

ok, time to fold that laundry and make some rooibos tea. grandes abrazos cálidos de la palma!

reflections.

2008-08-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

this is my journal entry from august 11th, the day before venessa and i left namibia. i decided to type it up for all of you instead of scanning the page. ndamangululwa had me draw pictures all over it, so it's not entirely legible for the common eye, haha. here it is...decoded.

*********************

august 11, 2008

psalm 34:8 ("Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.")

isaiah 55: 6-7 ("Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.")

matthew 17:20 (He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.")

this morning we all went to church. the walk there is about 30 minutes, but it doesn't feel that long when you're walking in beautiful white sand among good company. it was hard on my heart to be in such a beautiful place...where the people face such poverty. there is trash everywhere and the habit of the people is just to throw their trash anywhere. venessa and i felt so criminal throwing her fanta soda can or the wrapper to my Jungle granola bar in the bushes...but the girls said it is just how things are.
we left for church at 8am...maybe 830...and arrived at around 9. there were a few groups of people praying and reading bible verses. the actual service didn't start until around 10. i was having a pleasant time observing all that was happening around me. a sweet woman was leading a scripture reading in front of where we were sitting...she started speaking english so venessa and i could understand. i guess it was obvious that we didn't speak oshuwambo, ha. she was speaking about 'boasting in the Lord' because of all He has done for us. it seemed ironic, yet so humbling, to hear these words from someone who seemingly had so little. there was lots of beautiful singing during the service. theses people sing so so loud...but it's somehow some of the most amazing singing i've heard. if you are singing from your heart, i guess it's obvious...these people definitely were. they are so full of gratitude and so in love with the Lord. the speaker was a nigerian doctor. the pastor was performing a wedding somewhere. i really enjoyed the message. it hit home for me. i wrote a few verses above of one's that he spoke on. funny how we can be so far removed from our 'home'...in such an unfamiliar place...with unfamiliar people...and find such common ground through scripture. the service was so long and i prayed the entire time that my hunger and thirst would go away. i felt bad focusing so much on myself when these people were so focused on greater things. the service finally ended at around 1pm. maggie sang like an angel. she led some of the songs in the youth choir and i so badly wanted to record them singing and take it home with me. venessa finally got to pee (we made great use of the church restrooms today and yesterday). we stopped at a market on the way home and we all bought drinks. i got my usual powerade and bought the girls a loaf of bread. venessa bought her usual fanta and drinks and chips for josephine and ndamangululwa. maggie had to stay at church a little longer for a youth meeting afterwards. she was there for about 3 hours. we've been surviving on bread and peanut butter and pap. pap is the cornmeal dish they eat every night. it's made of dried corn grain that they wash and lay out to dry before they grind it real fine. then they make the pap...prounounced 'pop'...it's similar to a thick, sticky mound of cream of wheat or oatmeal. they pick off chunks with their fingers and dip it in this spicy soup called chakalaka (i brought some home with me). we had pap every night...though i only had a few bites out of respect. it's not my thing...though i was grateful and honored to be a part of their lifestyle. a lot of times the sand blows in it when it's laying out to dry...so it's no surprise when you come across many grains of sand while eating it. i've been taking bites of my Jungle granola bars throughout the day. i had a whole one on the walk home from church. that was a splurge. i was so full afterwards. i'm saving my other powerade for the bus ride home tomorrow. we haven't had lunch today, but we will probably have pap or bread for dinner. i love the bread. i hate that venessa and i are always thinking of food...all the things we can't wait to have when we get home...i feel so selfish. i'm going to try not to think about it anymore and distract myself by thinking about all the things i'm going to miss when i leave HERE. my phone ran out of battery yesterday right as fred sent me a message. i couldn't even open it before it shut off. i wasn't worried about charging it before we got to the hostel tomorrow night, but venessa said that fred would probably be really worried. she has a good heart. fred would like her, haha. the lady that lives next door to us had electricity, so my phone is over there charging right now. she let me unplug her refrigerator (very rare to find someone here with a refrigerator!) just so i can
charge my phone. big hearts these people have. ok...off to take pictures of the girls!

*********************

so that was written on our last day in ondangwa, the day before we left namibia. i arrived home on wednesday the 13th...3 days ago...and my heart misses all that i experienced when i was there. when i was away from home i dreampt of all the things and people i left behind...and now that i'm away from namibia i am dreaming of all the things and people i left behind. my heart is restless. i have lived and continue to live a life that is blessed more than i deserve. i am constantly given so much more love, support, protection, encouragement, and gifts than i feel worthy of. i have no idea why, but i am grateful. i hope to give it all back in any way i can...10xs over.

before we left on monday morning from ondangwa, maggie read venessa and i psalm 91.

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]

2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

as i read that again and again, i am in tears. how gracious they have been to us...to lend us their home, their bed, their hearts. bless these sweet girls.

in the stillness.

2008-08-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

so i've been meaning to catch up on my blog and share with you all a little bit about the week venessa and i shared in ondangwa. we arrived home on wednesday and though it felt glorious to be clean again, take a shower, wash clothes and rejoin the comforts of home...i miss that place. i miss the dirt on my feet, the ink drawings on my arms, the chai tea maggie made us every morning, her 'super dad' mug, the white sand, the hearts that taught me the meaning of living and loving, the eyes that gave me a deeper understanding of JOY and HOPE. there really are NO words that can sum up all that i brought home with me in my heart. but above is what i came up with in my quiet moments last week.

just a little background information...we stayed with a 'family' of 3 young girls. maggie (20), her sister josephine (16) and their niece ndamangululwa (6). they live 4 hours from the village where they were raised, where their parents still live, all so they can be near a school so they can learn. they have a passion for learning like i've never seen before. they stay up in the wee hours and read (the same materials) by candlelight...every night. little ndamangululwa's father died of AIDS and her mother (maggie and josephine's sister) is infected. she lives and works in windhoek, the capital (9 hours south), but was admitted to the hospital during our stay (maggie received a message while we were there). she is usually able to visit the girls every 3 months or so, but it is never discussed each time she leaves as to when she will come again. sometimes there are things that are better off not knowing. these 3 girls are earthbound angels. they have hearts that are far too big for their bodies. venessa and i are so blessed to now call them 'sisters' in our hearts.

offering.

2008-08-06T01:39:00.000-07:00

sometimes when we are exposed to so much of something we aren’t used to…and all at once, we need time to let it soak in. as a woman who finds herself in the kitchen quite frequently, i find a comparison with that of sifting flour. if you pour too much flour in the sifter all at once, you need time to let it sift through slowly…a little at a time. or as with tea, after you pour the hot water over the tea, it’s only best when you let it seep for a while. as with our hearts, venessa and i needed a day to let things seep in. we had planned to visit the baby haven yesterday morning, but when the afternoon came, we both felt that a day off might be better. venessa felt that maybe we were both a little depressed. i, being the uber optimist, thought that maybe we were just ‘drained’. either way, our hearts were heavy. though we’ve been to the haven every day to bring these children comfort and love, we leave every day feeling that it’s simply not enough. i guess it’s in our human nature to be more impressed with physical results…ones that we can see. maybe if we were to paint a wall or build a shelf we would feel like we were actually offering something of ourselves. but each day we return, the walls are the same and the babies are still sick and without hope beyond these next few years. we haven’t done anything to change their situation. we’d like to be there to walk them to school or make them lunch…but the truth is, they already have that. they have someone to fill those roles. the role we are filling, providing arms to hold them, lips to kiss them, words to comfort them…that is what they are lacking. when we thought about this, we felt that maybe our time here is not in vain after all. we are all created with a different purpose and abilities. some of us have money to donate, hands and equipment to build, tools to teach…and some of us simply have hearts to love and time to offer. that is why we are here. our offering is our love and our time.

tiny toes, big hearts.

2008-08-05T01:14:00.000-07:00

yesterday most of the kids were at school. when venessa and i arrived, the 3 babies who stayed home were all sleeping. i quickly grabbed by camera and tip-toed in their rooms to snap a few pictures. baby grace is an angel, for sure. no doubt about it. by the time i made it festus' and amadhila's room, they were wide awake. venessa grabbed festus and i grabbed amadhila. all of our hearts were happy once again. the few hours we spent there were pretty mellow. i'm not sure i ever put amadhila down...and same with venessa and festus. it was nice to have one on one time with one child, to give them that sense of significance they've never had. but at the same time, we missed the energy and joy that zolani and sindiswa and chubby little martha have brought to our days. they were definitely missed. it was nice to hang out with lydia and esther too. lydia is 10 and esther is 13. both young girls heard about the baby haven through friends and came within this past year to help. esther now lives there with lulu (the sweet woman who runs the haven) and is with the babies full-time. when asked if they think they will stay there for a long time, they smile and say 'mm hmmm'. obviously they find joy in helping these babies as well. what a rewarding, but challenging, experience it must be. but also, i'm not sure they have many other options as to where they could spend their time. at 10 and 13 years old, they have taken on so much responsibility, as most children their ages have. during our visit, esther took down the dry laundry from the clothes line and folded it all. lydia was doing dishes as we arrived. they loved borrowing our cameras and running aorund the haven taking pictures of us, the babies, their neighbor friends and even the bathroom, the walls, etc. if it gave them a few minutes to feel like a kid again...to have the excitement of a 10 and 13 year old...to run around and be carefree and take pictures of things that made them happy...i am satisfied.
when we left the haven, we returned to the hostel, checked into our dorm, got a load of laundry in the wash and made our way up to the bar for our nightly windhoek draught beer and chicken a' la king. we've been 'regulars' for the past 3 nights and our routine is to split dinner and a beer. the young kid behind the bar finds it quite amusing that we ask for 1 beer and 2 ice cold mugs. the beer only fills our glasses about 1/5 of the way, which is just funny, but it does the trick. venessa and i have had such a routine here...but it feels kind of nice. we were laughng yesterday when we left the internet cafe. if someone were to follow us around with a video camera for the entire day, not much would change the next day. we get up at around 645, check out of our rooms and put our bags in storage by 745, get to the mall by 8, say hello to our favorite waitress and have a breakfast beverage and/or breakfast at our favorite spot (in's wiener), walk to the internet cafe, pay for 1 hour, then get up at the same time and ask for one more hour, pay exactly 76 rand when we are through (9 rand goes towards a cold beverage for us both), and we walk out the door, venessa with an orange fanta in hand and me with a minute maid. back to the hostel we go, then off to the baby haven, then home to the hostel again, check in our room or tent for the night, go to the bar for our 1 beer and entree and back to our rooms to load pictures and get ready for the night. we're in bed usually by 9. then in 9 hours it all starts over again. it's all sort of sweet.
we'll be making our way to the haven again this afternoon. hopefully we'll be able to see more of the kids today. either way, we go with plenty of love to give.

heartbreak.

2008-08-04T02:01:00.000-07:00

so we seem to have a routine going here. every morning we've been waking up at around 630 or 7, probably because we've been old ladies and going to bed around 8. it's been nice to go to bed tired though...and wake up feeling an energy to get going. we're lucky if we get a warm shower...but then again, those ice cold ones are a bit refreshing. life is clever about reminding us of how much we are blessed. we're usually out the door at around 8. there's a 'mall' about 15 minutes walking, and a little cafe inside has been our favorite breakfast spot. i've been the moccachino queen and venessa's hooked on the toasted ham, cheese and pineapple sandwhich. their wheat bread is out of this world. the fact that the cafe is called 'in's wiener' also brings a smile to our faces so early in the morning. afterwards, we usually find an internet cafe (this one today made a good impression yesterday)and we spend about an hour or so updating our blogs and trying to upload as many pictures as the time allows. it's been such a great way to bridge the distance between all of you at home and in far away places. if anything, it's been a great way for us to get our experiences written down. though we know we'll never forget the days we've spent here, recording the feelings and happenings as they are fresh proves to mean so much more.
so! yesterday afternoon we made another visit to the baby haven. to be honest, i think venessa and i were both feeling somewhat drained from the day before. i felt so bad saying that my back was sore, but it was. we couldn't go the day without seeing those precious babes though. as the good Lord would have it, the day was a much more mellow one than the day before. the kids were in a more cuddly mood and simply needed to be held. martha and mercy were napping during most of our visit. festus wasn't feeling well at all. he is the 5 year old that looks as if he's 2. i held in my lap for the first half hour. it broke venessa's and my heart to see him so sad and tired. though he normally doesn't 'do' much anyway, he has always had a smile. yesterday he was covered in sadness. he looked so terribly weak. it was heartbreaking. i held sindiswa for the next 20 minutes. even zolani (our little R&B dancer) wanted to rest by our sides. baby grace is 3 months old and it amazed me, as she lay next to me on their play mattress outside, how calm and content she was. most babies have to be entertained every second...they want to be held, fed, spoken to...but baby grace just lay there with the sweetest smile on her face. she was simply happy to be. big lessons learned from small sources.
we had a chance to speak with lulu, the angel woman who runs the baby haven. i asked her a little bit about how long each of the children have been there. she said the baby haven usually has around 10 children. it all depends on who arrived and who gets adopted. most of the children who are really sick have lesss appeal to those wishing to adopt. she said most come when they are babies, but a few (such as festus) come when they are infants. festus came with his younger brother, but he passed away within this last year. they were both brought to the haven by their mother, who passed away in february from AIDS. that festus has made it this long is a miracle. but to think that his time may be drawing near is unbearable. he won both of our hearts the day we arrived at the haven. there was also a little boy there yesterday who was brought earlier in the afternoon by the police. he was found wandering in the streets. if his parents claim him missing, he will return home with his family. if not, he will stay.
we arrived to the haven feeling physically drained, we left with empty hearts. these children have brought us so much joy...and i am constantly learning just how fragile my heart is.

baby haven.

2008-08-03T02:50:00.000-07:00

yesterday venessa and i returned to the baby haven and stayed a bit longer than 10 minutes. we were there for a few hours, which was such a blessing, and quite all we were able to take physically. the kids found a strange fascination with beating us up and ripping our jewelry off our bodies. we have bruises today to prove it. and i will for sure be returing today sans the earrings and venessa without her necklace. we learned quickly what draws attention to their tiny hands.
despite the bruises, our hearts were so happy to be there and love on these kids. there are 7 children at the baby haven right now and they vary in the ages of 3 months-5 years. in just a few hours, we learned so much about their personalities and quirks. martha is the chubbiest baby ever and sat on my legs and farted. i didn't have the heart to move her away. venessa and i wondered who was in need of a diaper change...and in a matter of minutes she returned with a clean pair of pants. the mystery was solved. zolani is a dancing machine. he has moves that would make michael jackson blush. festus is the oldest one in the haven. he is 5 years old, but looks no older than a 2 year old. we're not sure if this is because of AIDS or polio. all of the kids had recenlty been given a polio vaccination, but i'm not sure if he already had it or not. he can harldy crawl, let alone walk. but he has a smile as bright as the sun and a sweet, sweet heart. sindiswa could very well make a fabulous monkey. she wanted to 'climb' on my back for the entire 2 hours. all of these kids are so beautiful and unique in their own special way. they are individuals. it was definitely heart-breaking to see the conditions of how these children live. they play on an old dirty mattress and find amusement with whatever is on the ground. festus was entertained for almost the entire time by half of a piece of a plastic fork. but he was happy. when we were there a lady arrived with a bag of rolls and a tub of potato salad. she visits once a year and brings whatever she can. she was there and gone and in minutes these babies all had a roll in hand and crumbs on their faces. in small but mighty ways they are being provided for. when our taxi arrived to take us back to the hostel, all the kids blew kisses to us and waved goodbye. we told them we'd be back today, but i'm not sure that they understand or believe when people say that. i gave them all a kiss on the forehead and it nearly broke my heart when zolani said he wanted to come with me. it takes some of us a lifetime to find love or let alone be satisfied with the love we are shown...but it took these children 2 seconds to welcome us with hearts bigger than the ocean. it's an incredible thing...the love of a child. and especially a child that's days are numbered far less than what they deserve. their joy is my strength.
the website for the baby haven is here: http://babyhaven.blogspot.com/

jessie meets namibia.

2008-08-02T02:03:00.000-07:00

the thought of even beginning to wrap up my first day in africa is crazy. i finally arrived in windhoek (namibia's capital) yesterday morning at 8am. venessa was there to meet and greet me. to see a friend i've missed for so long...and to meet her in this far away place that has grown so dear to us in our dreams...is just so special. the day of sleep i had missed (8 hour overnight layover the night before in the joahnnesburg airport: no sleep) and the tiredness i felt completely escaped my mind and body and i was simply HAPPY. the fact that my bag didn't arrive didn't matter either. the airport told me that it would arrive on the next flight and it would be delivered to our hostel later that afternoon. that was good news. so...the journey began. venessa's taxi driver friend, ronnie, drove us to the 'cardboard box' hostel and it was there that i was greeted by the super friendly staff. the 'man of the house', chad was a big teddy bear of a fella. he went to shake my hand and i returned it with a hug. hugs are better (if you know me, you know i am no hand shaker). the way the hostel is set up is with 3 sleeping options, all depending on what is available each night. type a: 4 bunkbeds, 8 people. type b: double bedroom, 2 people. type c: tent! we were given the first option last night. it was simply nice to call somewhere 'home' for the night...to have a place to sleep. we met 2 young girls about our age who are here from canada and also a newly wed couple from new zealand. they were doing a 3 month african honeymoon adventure. we all have a story to share.
right after we checked in, we went for a walk to 'the mall'. it is nicer than i expected...funny how we come assuming things to be so different than they really are. i am learning to have an open mind about it all. i assume nothing. we started out with lunch! we were both (by well-fed american definition) starving. grilled cheese sandwiches it was. the wheat bread was so good. after lunch we found an internet cafe. venessa's been trying to upload some of her pictures from her last week in ondangwa. she took a bus 9 hours north of where we are in windhoek to visit a 'family' of 3 young girls that she heard about through our friend gracie (a fellow american). neither of us has met gracie in person, just by email. venessa 'met' her first through a friend and she told venessa about some trips she had made here...both with an organized group and without. she had just been here before us for 3 months on her own. she spent most of her time in the north with these girls, but was also at the cardboard box hostel as well (hence the reference). so! after many minutes and not much success, venessa was able to uplad 3 pictures. we figured we would be able to try again at another cafe that might have faster internet. venessa showed me her pictures on her camera and they are just beautiful. straight out of a catalog. these girls and the other sweet faces she met are the most radiant ones i have ever seen. you can SEE their joy and gratitude for life in every smile on their face and twinkle in their eye. i thought about each picture, 'THIS is happiness.' the family of 3 girls is made up of a 20 year old and a 16 year old sister (maggie and josephine) and their 6 year old niece (ndamunugululwa...my goal before the end of the next 2 weeks is to learn how to say and spell her name by heart). these girls live about 5 hours from their parents so they can be near a school where they can study. venessa says they have such a strong desire to learn and they devote so much time to reading and studying for their classes. during venessa's visit, maggie and josephine's father had someone drive him to see his daughters and bring them a basket of one apple, one orange, a small piece of goat meat and what little money he could give as well. this was heaven to these girls. fruit is a delicacy. he couldn't stay long, as the driver had to get back, so venessa didn't even meet him. in the time that she went to the bathroom, he was gone. those few minutes he had with his girls...and that they had with their father were savored, i am sure. ndamunugululwa's father died of AIDS and her mother currently has it. she lives and works in windhoek, where we are now, and is able to visit every 3 months or so. she visited while venessa was their last week and she had just had treatment, so she was not feeling well. but i am sure she was so happy to be with her sisters and daughter. venessa said their goodbyes are very non-emotional. the sadness can be seen deep down, but no emotion is shown. there are no questions of when the next visit will be. it's just goodbye. as they were walking away from the car, venessa said ndamunugululwa kept looking back and held her hand even tighter. i would be a wreck.
so, we'll be here in windhoek for a few days this week and then try to get back up to ondangwa towards the end of the week to see the girls again. i feel like i already know them. i already love them so much in my heart.
yeserday afternoon we called our taxi driver friend ronnie again and he took us to the baby haven. ronnie didn't know exactly where it was, so we stopped at a school and asked the reception desk. they had no idea. as we were getting in the car, a young man told us that a little girl said she knew. she was standing behind him, acting a bit shy. we were so grateful and thanked her so much. sometimes the answers are where you least expect them.
sure enough, we drove where she said and there it was. a light blue painted building with the huge white painted name 'baby haven' in the front. ronnie waited for us while we spoke to the staff. there were 2 ladies and about 5 babies there...and a tour guide with 2 guests. the women said we could call tomorrow and speak to the 'woman in charge', lulu (coincidentally fred's nickname for me), and decide on a time to come back today. in the 10 minutes we were there, i met and fell in love with a sweet 2 year old boy named ahmandilla. i held his tiny fingers while he made big steps, i picked him up and we danced and sang songs (do do do do...) and i kissed his sweet face. when it was time for us to go he would not let go of my fingers. i didn't want to let go either. but knowing that i will see these precious babies tomorrow gave me the strength to say goodbye 'for now'. there was a baby of about 8 months named grace and a little boy that was 5 years old, but was the size of a 2 year old. another little boy had a noticelably smaller head than that of a healthy growing baby boy. despite all of this...these children were so very beautiful. i don't know how i will be able to come home empty handed. one thing is for certain, my heart will be so so full of love and memories. i know it already.
last night we went to joe's beerhouse. venessa had heard about it and the lady at the front desk of the hostel recommended it as well. it had a very islandy feel with hanging plants, a fish pond and trees everywhere outside. we sat inside under the pretty lanterns instead. though it's been warm during the day, the evenings get a little chilly. we sat on bar stools, ordered 2 'windhoek light' beers and shared a burger that was stacked about 8 inches high. both of us were so full. but we shared a hot chocolate to end the night on a sweet note. the price of everything is so cheap. our money is going a long way.
when we arrived home, it was only 730! our day seemed to last forever. my tiredness was getting the best of me though. my bag still hadn't arrived. venessa loaned me her face wash and i brushed my teeth and crawled in bed. i wanted to write last night, but i knew it would have been more successful with full brainpower today. i had all of you readers in mind :) abut 10 minutes later, the receptionist brought the 2 canadian girls to our room and while she was there i asked if my bag had arrived yet. she said yes. out of bed i went! i was elated. but at the same time, just minutes before, i lay there thinking how 'possible' it is to live with very little...so survive with simply the shirt on your back and a smile on your face. i hadn't thought of my bag the entire day. it was a good lesson to learn. i am blessed with far more than i will ever need.
before we brought my bag down to the room, venessa and i made use of the available internet in the hostel reception. about 20 minutes later we decided to hit the hay. when we go to our room, the door was locked. the key was on my bed. i guess i just assumed the canadians would still be there getting situated. as mentioned earlier, i now assume nothing. the receptionist said there was no spare key as all the beds had been rented out. venessa and i went out and looked the windows of the room. they were open, but lined with bars. my arm would fit, but unfortunately, it's not 10 feet long. we had seen one of our roommates leave earlier who said he wouldn't be home until late tonight. the possibility of sitting outside by the pool for the next 5 hours was becoming more of a reality. then a miracle. another woman was there that know where an emergency spare was. we were saved. and the gratitude continues.
as venessa and i laid in bed, we talked about a few things...as girls do. except i was too tired to listen or think and in the middle of what i was saying to venessa, i began talking to an imaginary flight attendant...asking her if she needed my boarding pass. SERIOUSLY past the point of exhaustion. i was delirious. it was then that we said goodnight. after we laughed to the point of tears.
morning came and the sun was shining bright. i took a warm/cold shower and was so happy to be clean again. we were out the door and on our way by 8. the mall opens early, so we had breakfast at the same place we had lunch yesterday. we shared muesli and yogurt and toast. venessa and i are big on sharing :)
now we're here, at our familiar internet cafe, blogging away. we'll call the baby haven in a little while and be there today for the afternoon. i'm anxious to see my sweet friend ahmandilla again and to see how we can help. throughout my life and experiences i've had along the way, i've learned that TRUE joy...true fufillment...comes simply and genuinely from loving people. it is my passion and my purpose. it is the fire that fuels me. i am blessed to be right where i am. much love to my dear friends and family...and that fiance of mine that i love so very much. bless you all.

fred

2008-03-07T08:04:00.000-08:00

the english translation for the swedish word 'fred' is peace. the swedish definition is this: the absence of mental stress or anxiety; harmonious relations; freedom from disputes. this four letter word is also the shortened version of my beloved boyfriend's name, fredrik. how cool to have a name that means something so sweet...or swede i guess i might say. today has been just that, a peaceful (fredlig) day. i woke up to the bright smile of uppsala's sunshine. she invited herself in through every translucent window pane and i greeted her with arms wide open. i am a child of the sun and always will be. she provides warmth, illumination and growth...but for me, motivation as well. i feel a certain empowerment when the sky is bright...i feel tranquility...i feel 'fred'...