Friday, December 5, 2008

this sums it up. and yet another 4 years...

Monday, September 5, 2005

Dear Friend,

So I think tonight is a good journaling night. But the next few moments will reveal all...I might just slip away into a dream...that sounds much easier. If there were a way to magically pour all that is on my heart and in my head onto this screen…I would. But I realize that probably won’t happen, so I’ve cushioned my finger tips and planted myself in a cozy chair so my hands and ass won’t be numb when I finish all that I hope to accomplish. I'm sitting here in an American Eagle "wife beater" and baby blue cotton underwear (I buy way too many tanks and's a horrible habit) sipping none other than Organic Rooibos Orange Spice tea...Trader Joe's finest. The window's cracked a little and the combination of the sound of my ceiling fan and the trucks passing on the freeway is somewhat soothing. I feel just right.

I was thinking about the way we meet people...and how interesting it is. I really do think that every moment we experience in life and every person we meet happens for a reason...whether big or small. It's as if our lives were a painting...and each experience and every person contributes a color or stoke of a brush. Some add more color...some create bigger strokes...but each plays a part in the masterpiece we are on our way to becoming. I’m trying not to contribute this idealistic way of thinking to the fact that I’ve watched Serendipity more times than there are needles in Martha Stewart’s pincushion. This kind of stuff constantly runs through my mind. And consequently, I'm aware that the future has many more sleepless nights in store for me...starting again with tonight...

I wrote the following quote in a journal I kept my senior year in high school...funny how words that seem so applicable at one point of your life can be just as meaningful 4 years later...

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
-Rainer Maria Rilke

Love Love Love,

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