Monday, August 4, 2008

heartbreak.












so we seem to have a routine going here. every morning we've been waking up at around 630 or 7, probably because we've been old ladies and going to bed around 8. it's been nice to go to bed tired though...and wake up feeling an energy to get going. we're lucky if we get a warm shower...but then again, those ice cold ones are a bit refreshing. life is clever about reminding us of how much we are blessed. we're usually out the door at around 8. there's a 'mall' about 15 minutes walking, and a little cafe inside has been our favorite breakfast spot. i've been the moccachino queen and venessa's hooked on the toasted ham, cheese and pineapple sandwhich. their wheat bread is out of this world. the fact that the cafe is called 'in's wiener' also brings a smile to our faces so early in the morning. afterwards, we usually find an internet cafe (this one today made a good impression yesterday)and we spend about an hour or so updating our blogs and trying to upload as many pictures as the time allows. it's been such a great way to bridge the distance between all of you at home and in far away places. if anything, it's been a great way for us to get our experiences written down. though we know we'll never forget the days we've spent here, recording the feelings and happenings as they are fresh proves to mean so much more.
so! yesterday afternoon we made another visit to the baby haven. to be honest, i think venessa and i were both feeling somewhat drained from the day before. i felt so bad saying that my back was sore, but it was. we couldn't go the day without seeing those precious babes though. as the good Lord would have it, the day was a much more mellow one than the day before. the kids were in a more cuddly mood and simply needed to be held. martha and mercy were napping during most of our visit. festus wasn't feeling well at all. he is the 5 year old that looks as if he's 2. i held in my lap for the first half hour. it broke venessa's and my heart to see him so sad and tired. though he normally doesn't 'do' much anyway, he has always had a smile. yesterday he was covered in sadness. he looked so terribly weak. it was heartbreaking. i held sindiswa for the next 20 minutes. even zolani (our little R&B dancer) wanted to rest by our sides. baby grace is 3 months old and it amazed me, as she lay next to me on their play mattress outside, how calm and content she was. most babies have to be entertained every second...they want to be held, fed, spoken to...but baby grace just lay there with the sweetest smile on her face. she was simply happy to be. big lessons learned from small sources.
we had a chance to speak with lulu, the angel woman who runs the baby haven. i asked her a little bit about how long each of the children have been there. she said the baby haven usually has around 10 children. it all depends on who arrived and who gets adopted. most of the children who are really sick have lesss appeal to those wishing to adopt. she said most come when they are babies, but a few (such as festus) come when they are infants. festus came with his younger brother, but he passed away within this last year. they were both brought to the haven by their mother, who passed away in february from AIDS. that festus has made it this long is a miracle. but to think that his time may be drawing near is unbearable. he won both of our hearts the day we arrived at the haven. there was also a little boy there yesterday who was brought earlier in the afternoon by the police. he was found wandering in the streets. if his parents claim him missing, he will return home with his family. if not, he will stay.
we arrived to the haven feeling physically drained, we left with empty hearts. these children have brought us so much joy...and i am constantly learning just how fragile my heart is.

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